Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some believe that most of teenager's spare
time
are
spent on shopping, which Change the verb form
is
afficts
both young people and the community they live in. I partly agree with Correct your spelling
affects
afflicts
this
statement because this
cause
some problems Change the verb form
causes
to
their finance and Change preposition
with
also
the environment and there are other Correct your spelling
advantageous
advantages
adventageous
activities for them
It must be acknowledged that Correct your spelling
advantageous
spend
Replace the word
spending
time
on
shopping not only Change preposition
apply
make
use of money but Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
also
emit
more waste. Young people tend to purchase numerous items Correct subject-verb agreement
emits
due to
being attracted by a discount and current trends despite being financially dependable
on their parents. Replace the word
dependent
This
will put pressure on their budget which will make
them to get into trouble after a long Verb problem
cause
time
. Additionally
, it is undeniable that most of these items will not be used a
long Change preposition
for a
time
as teenagers hardly consider their functions before buying them, which increases significantly the amount of trash and leads to countless potential effects on the environment and the
society.
Another point to take into consideration is the wide range of activities Correct article usage
apply
that
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
prore
beneficial. Correct your spelling
prove
prone
Instead
of wandering around shopping malls, youngsters participated in social projects which helps
enhance the standard of living and obtain skills for later. Wrong verb form
helped
Moreover
, young generations should spend time
with family or playing sports, which prevents them from suffering health problems caused by a sedentary lifestyle such
as cardiovascular and obesity. To illustrate, people who frequently attend charity campaigns. have better soft skills than those who do not.
In conclusion, this
writer believes that this
trend has severe impacts on individuals and society and youngsters should take part in other activities that more
advantageous. Add a missing verb
are more
This
essay has shown some valid reason
to prove Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
this
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task achievement
Ensure to fully develop each point with clear, comprehensive ideas and relevant, specific examples. This will help the reader to understand your perspective better. Additionally, try to elaborate more on why some activities are beneficial, providing concrete examples and comparisons.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a more logical structure in your essay. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, and ensure that each idea is fully developed before moving on to the next. Transition words and phrases can help in this regard.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a relevant response. Your essay covers both potential negative impacts and alternative beneficial activities.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps provide a sense of completeness and closure to the reader.