IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people argue that teaching
music
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,
art
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 and
drama
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 to
children
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 at primary
school
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 is as necessary as other
school
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subjects
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. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because if
children
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 learn
art
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,
music
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 and
drama
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 at primary
school
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, it allows them to find their inner talents and contribute to their cognitive
development
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. If
children
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 learn and practice creative
subjects
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 at an initial stage of education
along with
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 other
subjects
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, it will help them to find their inner talents. At the primary level, it enables them to identify in which areas they have interests
,
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apply
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 and allows them to decide which
subjects
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 they would choose in the future.
For example
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, in India, it is mandatory for primary
school
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children
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 to attend
drama
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 classes because
this
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 helps students
to
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apply
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make decisions about the
subjects
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 they want to study and the professions they want to choose in the future.
In addition
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, learning
music
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,
art
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 and
drama
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 with the same importance
like
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as
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 other
subjects
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 enhances the cognitive
development
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 of
children
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. Learning and practising creative
subjects
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 are paramount for the emotional and psychological
development
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 of
children
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.
This
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 develops their
understandings
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understanding
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about
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of
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 their surroundings and broadens their outlook and knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Australia,
children
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 practice
art
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 in primary
school
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, which improves their critical thinking skills
,
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apply
show examples
 and allows them to solve problems in their lives. In conclusion, I fully agree with the viewpoint of teaching
music
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,
art
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 and
drama
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 to
children
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 at the primary stage like other
school
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subjects
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. It improves the cognitive
development
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 of
children
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 and allows them to make decisions about their future.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs seamlessly. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
For increased task achievement, integrate more diverse examples from different cultures or contexts, where applicable, to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the global relevance of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument and making your position clear.
supported main points
The main points are well-supported with examples, particularly the inclusion of examples from India and Australia, which lend credibility to your assertions.
complete response
You successfully provide a complete response to the task, fully engaging with the question by presenting a clear agreement with supporting reasons.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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