Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Some
people
opine an encourgement
in physical activities is the most considerable way to improve Correct your spelling
encouragement
health
of Add an article
the health
people
these days. Conversely
, others deny this
and say it has the least affect
and Replace the word
effect
other
factors can help more. Correct word choice
that other
This
essay will discuss both point
of Change to a plural noun
points
views
and argue in favour of the latter.
Fix the agreement mistake
view
To begin
with, an increase in physical activities directly lead
to improvement in Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
strength
and immunity of a person. It Correct article usage
the strength
also
activates the good mood and sharpens the mind of a person. So, it is always recomended
that Correct your spelling
recommended
atleast
for Correct your spelling
at least
fourty
Correct your spelling
forty
mintues
Correct your spelling
minutes
excercise
is required Correct your spelling
exercise
atleast
four days a week. ThoughCorrect your spelling
at least
,
Remove the comma
apply
people
have sedentary and hectic routines nowadays but
if they manage Correct word choice
apply
excersing
on Correct your spelling
exercise
daily
basis it not only can improve their Correct article usage
a daily
health
but also
they
feel activated and energetic Correct pronoun usage
them
in
Change preposition
apply
their
whole day. Change the word
the
This
appears to be improvement
in their workplace Add an article
an improvement
the improvement
also
.
On the other side, performing sports and workout is not the only sustantial
way to improve Correct your spelling
substantial
health
. Other actions are required too like healthy eating and avoiding mind altering
things. One of the major Add a hyphen
mind-altering
initiative
that can Change to a plural noun
initiatives
be takes
is educating Change the verb form
be taken
people
about nutrition and awareness of healthy eating and lifestyle through campaigns. These days people
are more work-centric and this
causes stress and mostly
Correct your spelling
most
people
are now aware about
how to deal with it. Stress management is something that Change the preposition
of
people
need to work on it
and choosing Correct pronoun usage
apply
easy
and healthy lifestyle can really improve the condition.
Add an article
an easy
To conclude
, I believe , opening sport
centres and gyms would not Change the noun form
sports
show
Verb problem
apply
the
result in improvement of public Correct article usage
apply
health
but followinng
a proper healthy lifestyle can exhibit long-term Correct your spelling
following
health
outcomes.Submitted by simranjit2598 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy: Issues like incorrect verb forms, misspellings, and punctuation errors were noticed. For example, "encourgement" should be "encouragement," "affect" should be "effect," and "oftentimes" instead of "mostly."
Evidence
Use more specific examples: Strengthen your essay by providing specific examples. When discussing the benefits of physical activity, mention specific types of sports or exercises and their effects on common health issues.
Vocabulary
Improve lexical resource: Use a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely. For instance, instead of repeating "improve health," use alternatives like "enhance well-being" or "boost physical fitness."
Introduction
The introduction is clear and sets up the two viewpoints that will be discussed.
Structure
Good organization and structure: The essay is divided into clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific point.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.