IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

University students often focus on one subjects . However , some people think that universities should encourage students to learn a range of other subjects . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#university #students #focus #subjects #people #universities #range
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In
this
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 era, the curriculum system was reshaped.
However
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,
this
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 system is variated from
one
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 country to another and from
one
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 university to another. Nowadays, pupils are concentrating on
one
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 topic,
while
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 some individuals assume that universities should encourage
students
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 to learn a range of other topics. I have a balanced opinion. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on both views. On the
one
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 hand, Universities are aware of their
students
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. It does not want them to struggle during their studies.
Therefore
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, it made them focus on
one
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 subject. It believes
this
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 will make them obtain more marks and can make them diligent in
this
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 subject.
For instance
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, In England, medical
students
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 do not take 2 foundation years. It made their pupils start with the clinical
subjects
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. In
this
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 way, the period of college alleviated and showed a high success rate.
Moreover
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, it can be in some cases a waste of time. They will learn a lot of
subjects
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 which will not help them in the future.
This
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 means they will be examined on it. They
also
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 will buy its books and attend its course.
On the other hand
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, learning distinct
subjects
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 will increase the knowledge and data of our
students
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.
This
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 can assist them in the future to handle any method they will be halted in it.
One
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 of the sparked instances, when an engineering student saw a man was suffering from asthma on the Egyptian railway, He saved him by giving him first aid. The man survived and they thought that the student was a doctor.
In addition
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, In these situations, the variety of
subjects
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 will be helpful.
Furthermore
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, If they want in the future to shift their career, they will have the ability because they have already gained enough information which will help them. In conclusion, there will be a debate on
this
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 argument.
Nonetheless
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, the government should play a crucial role in helping their individuals. It should look for what will suit them.
This
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 will raise the economy and generate a productive generation.
Submitted by mohannadsme on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a balanced view, but further development of ideas and additional examples would strengthen the response.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and avoid abrupt transitions. Some ideas are not fully fleshed out.
language accuracy
Grammar and vocabulary need refinement. Ensure subject-verb agreement and consistent use of verb tenses for better clarity.
task achievement
Good job including a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the essay well.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced view and understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples that help illustrate your points, enhancing your argument.
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