IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.

The pie charts below show the devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two different years.
#show #devices #people #age #group #television #canada #two #years
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie charts showcase various mediums by which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canadian
people
of age
Change preposition
aged
show examples
 18 to 25 years used to watch television in the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2009 and 2019.
Overall
, in the
year
 2009, Conventional
TV
 was the most popular and
Tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
Tablets
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
least
Correct article usage
the least
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 used device
whereas
after
Add the comma(s)
, after
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 a decade, many
people
 loved
Flat- screen
Correct your spelling
Flat-screen
show examples
TV
 and only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 watched Conventional
TV
. To commence, in the
year
 2009, Conventional
TV
 was used by
highest
Add an article
the highest
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 percentage of
people
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
34
Change preposition
for 34
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% and
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
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 was used by the lowest proportion of
people
 and
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 lesser by almost 7
times
. As compared to the
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
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, laptops and mobile phones were greater by 4
times
 and 3
times
 respectively
as well as
 Desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 greater by nearly 3
times
 and Flat-screen
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 larger by 3%. In the
year
 2019, the usage of Conventional
TV
 declined significantly by 30% and only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
people
 preferred to watch it. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, Flat-screen
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
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 skyrocketed by about 3
times
 and became the most famous media and made 27%.
Similarly
,
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
 and mobile phones approximately tripled and doubled and reached 19%
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a number lower
to
Change preposition
than
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 that of Flat-screen
Tv
 respectively.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it dropped in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 and desktop
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and had
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 proportion of 12% each.
Submitted by raialon4047 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, year, tv, tablet, times with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • 18 to 25 age group
  • devices
  • watch television
  • Canada
  • comparison
  • shift
  • preferences
  • mobile devices
  • traditional televisions
  • technological advancements
  • television viewing habits
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