In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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Although
the
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a
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large amount of students live in their hometown
while
studying at university, the majority of students tend to move on to another city and begin a new
life
. I completely agree with the idea that living far from home could be more
benificial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
than failing. there are several reasons why living at home
while
studying at university can be troublesome.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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house filled with a comfortable environment and love can prevent a
student
from studying abandoning his or her social battery or giving them too much relaxation.
For example
,
student's
Correct article usage
a student's
show examples
academic focus might be distracted by siblings wanting attention from their brother or sister,
noisy
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a noisy
show examples
neighborhood and so on.
Secondly
, it can
also
limit the
student
from expanding horizons and experiencing new area's lifestyle, resulting in problems with interacting with new co-workers and co-operating with them in their future job.
Finally
, there is a risk of lagging behind peers and becoming isolated from them. I believe that studying in a new
surrounding
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surroundings
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may be beneficial in many aspects of
student's
Correct article usage
a student's
show examples
life
. Feeling the typical
student
's lifestyle in a dormitory is one of the main
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
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of any
people's
Fix the agreement mistake
person's
show examples
life
because they feel young. People can befriend
with
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apply
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others from their study field and become
study-buddies
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study buddies
show examples
, working hard together for their future investments. If they are international students they could even improve their perception of
this
world, leading to their cultural development.
Furthermore
, it is a great chance to get used to adult
life
and
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
more independent. In conclusion, my view is that studying outside the hometown is more productive than studying at home.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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task achievement
Expand and clarify your arguments. Although the main points are clear, the reasoning behind them could be elaborated further.
grammar
Ensure grammatical accuracy and correct any minor errors. Some grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings detract from the overall clarity.
task achievement
Introduce more relevant specific examples to support your arguments, making your essay more convincing.
coherence
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument effectively.
grammar
You have a range of vocabulary, and despite minor errors, your essay is largely comprehensible.
task achievement
The main ideas of the essay are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the issue.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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