Some people think that secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss btoh views and give your own opinion.

Students
in
school
Add an article
the school
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have various fields to study
about
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apply
show examples
such
as Mathematics and Sciences. People argue whether secondary
school
students
need to have International News as one of their
subjects
. In my opinion, I wonder
that
Correct word choice
if
show examples
students
will gain more information about their Earth when having
this
subject
in their schedule.
This
essay will shed
the
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apply
show examples
light on different
point
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points
show examples
of
views
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view
show examples
regarding
this
subject
. The first group supports the idea of having International News as a
subject
in secondary
school
. When taking
this
, the
student
will be aware of all vital issues occurring globally. The child may be a volunteer in solving the problem.
Moreover
, he or she may have a crucial role in making the world a better place to live in.
In addition
, it will provide the
student
with useful and new information and details about multiple countries around the world, which may expose him or her to explore more about other cultures.
However
, the other group of people believe that it is a form of valuable
school
time
wasting
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apply
show examples
. The
student
may spend
this
time knowing about his or her home
country
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country's
show examples
issues and problems in economics, industry and environment.
Besides
, learning advanced
subjects
that will have benefits on the
student
's level is
much
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apply
show examples
essential.
Although
knowing global
issue
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issues
show examples
is important,
but
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apply
show examples
focusing on
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
subjects
would be more important.
Furthermore
, some of the children may be unexcited or uninterested
to attend
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in attending
show examples
such
type of classes, which may affect his or her total grading
score
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scores
show examples
in the final report.
For example
, it could be an elective
subject
to whom is interested.
To sum up
,
variety
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a variety
show examples
of opinions are there
according to
adding a
subject
called International News to secondary
school
students
' timetables or not. Some people support the first idea to increase knowledge.
While
others support the
second,
as there are other
subjects
to focus on. As there are many
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
here, I see that having
this
subject
is a winning race.
Submitted by ghala_alshatti_16 on

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task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your own opinion, which is good. However, your essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Try to include relevant data, statistics, or real-life examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important. However, there are some minor errors in grammar and phrasing that can affect the clarity of your points. Make sure to proofread your work and consider revising awkward sentences to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, some of your supporting points need clearer connections. Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your central argument and that transitions between ideas are smooth. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion nicely summarizes your points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
You have done well to present both sides of the argument and to offer your own opinion. This balanced approach is essential for a high-scoring essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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