Some people think that secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable school time. Discuss btoh views and give your own opinion.
Students
in school
have various fields to study Add an article
the school
about
Change preposition
apply
such
as Mathematics and Sciences. People argue whether secondary school
students
need to have International News as one of their subjects
. In my opinion, I wonder that
Correct word choice
if
students
will gain more information about their Earth when having this
subject
in their schedule. This
essay will shed the
light on different Correct article usage
apply
point
of Fix the agreement mistake
points
views
regarding Fix the agreement mistake
view
this
subject
.
The first group supports the idea of having International News as a subject
in secondary school
. When taking this
, the student
will be aware of all vital issues occurring globally. The child may be a volunteer in solving the problem. Moreover
, he or she may have a crucial role in making the world a better place to live in. In addition
, it will provide the student
with useful and new information and details about multiple countries around the world, which may expose him or her to explore more about other cultures.
However
, the other group of people believe that it is a form of valuable school
time wasting
. The Verb problem
apply
student
may spend this
time knowing about his or her home country
issues and problems in economics, industry and environment. Change noun form
country's
Besides
, learning advanced subjects
that will have benefits on the student
's level is much
essential. Fix the agreement mistake
apply
Although
knowing global issue
is important, Fix the agreement mistake
issues
but
focusing on Remove the conjunction
apply
main
Correct article usage
the main
subjects
would be more important. Furthermore
, some of the children may be unexcited or uninterested to attend
Change preposition
in attending
such
type of classes, which may affect his or her total grading score
in the final report. Fix the agreement mistake
scores
For example
, it could be an elective subject
to whom is interested.
To sum up
, variety
of opinions are there Correct article usage
a variety
according to
adding a subject
called International News to secondary school
students
' timetables or not. Some people support the first idea to increase knowledge. While
others support the second,
as there are other subjects
to focus on. As there are many point
of Change to a plural noun
points
views
here, I see that having Fix the agreement mistake
view
this
subject
is a winning race.Submitted by ghala_alshatti_16 on
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task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided your own opinion, which is good. However, your essay would benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Try to include relevant data, statistics, or real-life examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important. However, there are some minor errors in grammar and phrasing that can affect the clarity of your points. Make sure to proofread your work and consider revising awkward sentences to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured, some of your supporting points need clearer connections. Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your central argument and that transitions between ideas are smooth. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion nicely summarizes your points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
You have done well to present both sides of the argument and to offer your own opinion. This balanced approach is essential for a high-scoring essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example