It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #schools #children #behavior #addition #education

Many people believe that

besides

the academic field

teachers

are responsible for the

children

's uprising.

While

it is completely

parents

' responsibility to foster kids' manners,

teachers

also

play an important role in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. There are several reasons why school stuff should not interfere

Change preposition

with

show examples

the way

children

behave.

Firstly

Change the capitalization

show examples

think it is

parents'

Correct article usage

the parents'

show examples

responsibility to teach them every law that they must follow and educate

Correct pronoun usage

them by

show examples

showing them human values, and nobody can influence them as much as their

parents

Secondly

, they should only focus on

academic

Add an article

the academic

show examples

field and not get distracted by any other subject, because student's educational growth must keep going on in spite

everything

Change preposition

of everything

show examples

Finally

this

kind of problem could have been done by educating

stuff

Correct your spelling

staff

show examples

in the kindergarten, so people have to send their

children

there and enhance their

children

demeanor

Change the spelling

demeanour

show examples

On the other hand

, I believe that

teachers

play a pivotal role in students'

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. School is the foundation for

student's

Correct article usage

a student's

show examples

future personality and is the people's second home,

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

so they foster their creativity and create their

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

teachers

should be nice to them and reconcile them whenever they have a conflict or a fight going on.

Thus

teachers

can create a peaceful perception of the world and behave in a good way. In conclusion,

Change the capitalization

show examples

completely agree that

teachers

should contribute

Change preposition

show examples

student's behavior

in addition

parents

' efforts.

Submitted by talgattan4ez on Thu Aug 08 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your stance on the issue and giving a brief overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This can help the reader understand your position from the beginning.

task response

Work on providing more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and give the reader a clearer understanding of the scenarios you are describing.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is adequately developed throughout the paragraph. This can help improve the overall coherence and make your essay more persuasive.

coherence and cohesion

Use more transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.

task response

Be mindful of minor grammar and punctuation issues such as capitalizing the pronoun 'I' and maintaining consistent verb tenses. While these are minor errors, addressing them can improve clarity and professionalism.

task response

You have addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue. This is a strong point in terms of task achievement.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are both present and give a sense of completeness to the essay. This helps in giving a sense of a well-rounded discussion.

task response

Your essay clearly presents your views, demonstrating a personal stance on the issue. This is important for a persuasive essay and shows your engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

228 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Some people think student should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think student should spend time on other important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some assert that the studying of food making should be taught as main subject in the school curriculm while others believe that students might concentrate on essential subjects such as math, physics, chemistry,.. Because both viewpoints are justifiable, I personally lean towards the latter.
6.5
band
Many students have trouble being able to focus on school studies, with their attention span increasingly deteriorating. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?
Many students easily lose concentration on school studies as their attention span keeps decreasing over time. The reason behind this issue is mainly due to the smartphone screen time has increased dramatically. Involvement from parents is the most crucial thing to solve this issue.
5
band
Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all times. What are the advantages for a company having a uniform? Are there any benefits of having a uniform for the staff?
Most companies have their employees work in uniforms. This is of benefit to the company as it depicts a standard, sophisticated and well-organized work environment. It can also save the workers from the risk of ruining their clothing as well as curb the intimidation from the staff who are more financially buoyant. I will elucidate these advantages of dressing same for the employers and the employees.
6
band
It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is suggested that school-age children should only learn domestic history rather than world history. However, I disagree with this point of view and believe that both should be learned at schools.
6
band
The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, some members of society have said that mobile phones are antisocial and phones should be forbidden in certain areas as the way smoking has been banned. From my perspective, people can use phones wherever they want.

It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think student should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think student should spend time on other important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many students have trouble being able to focus on school studies, with their attention span increasingly deteriorating. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Some companies have uniforms for their staff which must be worn at all times. What are the advantages for a company having a uniform? Are there any benefits of having a uniform for the staff?

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?