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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #schools #children #behavior #addition #education
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Many people believe that
besides
 the academic field
teachers
 are responsible for the
children
's uprising.
While
 it is completely
parents
' responsibility to foster kids' manners,
teachers
also
 play an important role in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There are several reasons why school stuff should not interfere
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the way
children
 behave.
Firstly
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think it is
parents'
Correct article usage
the parents'
show examples
 responsibility to teach them every law that they must follow and educate
by
Correct pronoun usage
them by
show examples
 showing them human values, and nobody can influence them as much as their
parents
.
Secondly
, they should only focus on
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
 field and not get distracted by any other subject, because student's educational growth must keep going on in spite
everything
Change preposition
of everything
show examples
.
Finally
,
this
 kind of problem could have been done by educating
stuff
Correct your spelling
staff
show examples
 in the kindergarten, so people have to send their
children
 there and enhance their
children
's
demeanor
Change the spelling
demeanour
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I believe that
teachers
 play a pivotal role in students'
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. School is the foundation for
student's
Correct article usage
a student's
show examples
 future personality and is the people's second home,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
so they foster their creativity and create their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
teachers
 should be nice to them and reconcile them whenever they have a conflict or a fight going on.
Thus
,
teachers
 can create a peaceful perception of the world and behave in a good way. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 completely agree that
teachers
 should contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 student's behavior
in addition
 to
parents
' efforts.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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task response
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating your stance on the issue and giving a brief overview of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This can help the reader understand your position from the beginning.
task response
Work on providing more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and give the reader a clearer understanding of the scenarios you are describing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is adequately developed throughout the paragraph. This can help improve the overall coherence and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
task response
Be mindful of minor grammar and punctuation issues such as capitalizing the pronoun 'I' and maintaining consistent verb tenses. While these are minor errors, addressing them can improve clarity and professionalism.
task response
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue. This is a strong point in terms of task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and give a sense of completeness to the essay. This helps in giving a sense of a well-rounded discussion.
task response
Your essay clearly presents your views, demonstrating a personal stance on the issue. This is important for a persuasive essay and shows your engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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