IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information.

#report #university #lecturer #information
The bar chart illustrates the total expenses on health and education in UAE; meanwhile, the line graph depicts the rate of infant fatality and life expectancy
in
Change preposition
from
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 1970 to 1992.
Overall
, it can be observed that education accounted for the higher proportion in the given
years
, and infant mortality and life expectancy
were having
Wrong verb form
had
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 opposite trends. Diving deeper
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 outlays for education started off
with
Change preposition
at
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 10% in the first year and experienced an enormous escalation in 1993, reaching merely 14.50%.
However
,
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 category encountered a
fluctuation
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
 trend throughout the
years
, with not more than 8% in 1985 and reduced by 1%, though it continued to rise until it reached a peak at 10% in the final year. Turning to the bar chart, infant mortality kept deteriorating throughout the period of 22
years
, with 70 infants per 1000 births and falling to
nadir
Add an article
the nadir
a nadir
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 of 20 infants in 1992.
Finally
, with regard to life expectancy, it experienced a minor incline from 60
years
 in 1970 to more than 70
years
 in 1992; even though it was not as rapid as the first kind.
Submitted by maisarahamirah16 on

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer by separating key elements and highlighting the purpose of each graph.
task achievement
Avoid using vague terms like 'nadir'; instead, use simpler and clearer language.
task achievement
Make sure to carefully describe all trends and avoid combining different data unnecessarily.
coherence cohesion
Improve connections between sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the main trends before diving into specific details for better coherence.
task achievement
You have successfully identified the main idea of the bar chart and line graph.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph covers different aspects of the data, showing a well-structured approach.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are presented appropriately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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