IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that criminals should be put into prison as long as possible. However, others believe that it is necessary to educate those people in local community. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #criminals #prison #community
One part of
society
 thinks that criminals should be imprisoned for a longer tenure because they threaten to the societies, whilst, others consider that opportunity should be given to them to improve their social conduct
,
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 so that they should be educated
while
 living with other people in
society
. I believe that they should be imprisoned for their better future but for a short span of time. With regard to the long-term
prison
 sentence, it is the argument of many individuals that offenders have criminal intentions, so their presence with local communities is not a wise decision.
In other words
, if by law, it is enforced to give them education about the correct moral behaviour so that a deep understanding of moral conduct can be developed in themselves, resulting in,
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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can become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 a responsible citizen is a meaningless hope, but would create a threat to the crowd.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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long-term
prison
 sentences would be difficult to serve, so it will deter criminals from doing even minor offences as they would be aware that their criminal actions would lead them to long-term
prison
sentence
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.
On the other hand
, some are of the view that keeping criminals apart from
public
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the public
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 makes it difficult for them to reintegrate with
society
 because the aim of imprisonment is to rehabilitate them by retraining them to get some useful skills and developing an ethical code of conduct that how to survive in the
society
 as a useful citizen. But, if offenders keep away from the local people,
then
 it is more difficult for them to create a strong bond with the people who are living in the
society
.
Consequently
, long-term imprisonment would lead to isolation, and in some cases, depression could be the outcome and they might not recover from it throughout their lifetime, eventually, their whole life could be ruined.
Additionally
, practical knowledge is always considered the best measure to learn anything, so to teach them about social ethics can only be achieved successfully, if they survive
along with
 other persons in
society
. In conclusion, both arguments have their own reasons, but I think that rather than make their life worse by putting them in
prison
 for a long time, laws should be made to give them appropriate time
prison
sentence
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sentences
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 so that they
should
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can
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 be educated there, and become a responsible person after they being released ensuring that they can now survive with other members of the community.
Submitted by kanwalkaur05 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and avoid repetitive phrasing to make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Using specific examples or case studies can strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your main points to provide a deeper analysis and show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the debate, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You demonstrate an understanding of the topic by discussing both the need for imprisonment and the potential benefits of community-based education programs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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