Some people believe that too much attention and too many sources are given to the protection of wild animals and wild birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In
this
day and age, it is thought that too much attention and too many sources are provided
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the protection of wild
animals
and wild birds. I partly agree with
this
statement, and the reasons for my viewpoint will be mentioned in
this
essay. On the one hand, there are many compelling reasons why Individuals should not
given
Add a missing verb
be given
show examples
many
resources
for protecting wild
animals
and birds.
To begin
with,
this
will need many materials
such
as money and a workforce in order to contribute to the wild
animals
.
As a result
, lacking funds for the communities, which are needed to aid.
In addition
, providing many
resources
leads to a sharp increase in creatures’s population, which is likely to negatively impact people’s lives.
Furthermore
, a sharp increase in the number of wild
animals
also
will contribute to the lack of natural
resources
such
as water, which is a necessary item for citizens.
On the other hand
, I firmly hold the viewpoint that people should provide more
resources
for wild
animals
.
Firstly
, ensuring the number of
animals
will help with education.
This
leads to the young generation having a chance to discover more and more different
animals
and broaden their mind.
Moreover
,
This
also
will contribute to some of the scientists having many materials to study and build a new medicine which will surely support citizens’s health.
To sum up
, I restate that I partial agreement with
this
statement for all the above-mentioned reasons.
Submitted by hoangtrungmta94 on

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task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt with both sides discussed, but the arguments need further development and more specific examples. Consider adding concrete instances to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, the transitions between ideas can be smoother. Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences contain minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Revise for grammar, punctuation, and word choice to create a more polished essay. For instance, avoid repetition and ensure subject-verb agreement.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your stance and sets the context for the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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