IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Learning to play team sports is an important part o f a child’s education. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some people believe that playing games in a
team
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 is very important for children because it helps them to increase their
overall
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 knowledge whether it is subjective or social. I totally agree with
this
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 statement and
further
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 in
this
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 essay, I will explain with views with some examples from the Journal and personal experience.
To begin
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 with , there is no doubt that participating in group sports plays an essential role in a
child
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's life. In school teachers should teach
students
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 about the benefits of playing in group
activities
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.
For Example
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 , an M.B.A student from Delhi University revealed that
students
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 who are actively involved in
team
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 games are more energetic and
also
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 secured very good grades in class as compared to other
students
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.
Secondly
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 ,
Students
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 should learn to play
team
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activities
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 as it is very good for their development . It is very beneficial for their mental and physical health.
For example
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 , sometimes
child
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 won't succeed in individual
activities
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 and
then
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 they think about failure in life because of
this
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 reason it affects their mental health as well
such
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 as anxiety and depression. Perhaps, but it never happens in
team
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activities
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 because nobody can blame here individual for failure ,
Moreover
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 , playing in a
team
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 improves
child
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 communication and confidence which is important for future growth.
To conclude
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 , I believe that playing
team
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 sports is necessary for each
child
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 as it will not only be good for physical health but
also
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 enhance their personality
such
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 as communication skills , go-getter attitude and confidence. Parents and Teachers should encourage young children to participate more in
team
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 games.

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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear stance and provides relevant examples, there are a few points where more detail or clarity could improve the discussion. For example, providing more specific information about how team sports foster social and subjective knowledge would add depth to your argument. Additionally, tying the benefits more explicitly back to education would strengthen the task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay generally flows well, but some sentences could be connected more smoothly. Transitional phrases would help to link ideas better and enhance coherence. For instance, instead of starting a sentence with 'Secondly,' you might say 'In addition to the academic benefits,...'. This makes the progression of ideas clearer.
coherence cohesion
Clear statements and well-structured paragraphs contribute to a coherent response. However, be cautious of minor errors and inconsistencies. For instance, 'M.B.A student from Delhi University' should be 'An M.B.A student from Delhi University'. Also, eliminate unnecessary commas after 'For example' and 'For instance'. These small corrections can enhance the readability and professionalism of the essay.
task achievement
Your essay clearly takes a position on the topic and consistently supports it with relevant examples, which shows strong task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively frame your arguments, which is excellent for coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured paragraphs and clear main points contribute significantly to a logically organized essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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