Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest?
Over the past decade, a sedentary
lifestyle
has become a prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon although
a wide range of fitness centers
has increasingly appeared in almost Change the spelling
centres
Correct determiner usage
all area
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
However
, several problems
. have resulted from this
tendency and they Should be tacked
by a number of effective Solutions from companies and Correct your spelling
tackled
government
.
Correct article usage
the government
As
the popularity of a sedentary Change preposition
With
lifestyle
among many people, several related problems
can be anticipated. The main issue is that causes umany
serious Correct your spelling
many
illness
including obesity or Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
disease
heart. This
is because that
Correct word choice
apply
an
individuals frequently sit down overlong, leading to that Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
disease
. Another problem is that gets negative For instance
when people. to mental health
spend long hours sitting down and don't have regular exercise, It makes to
mental Verb problem
causes
disease
Change the noun form
diseases
such
as depression or anxiety. Since endorphin
and Serotonin Change preposition
Endorphin
which
are created out of doing exercise and Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
can help prevent mental issues.
Since such
issues are serious, the government and individuals should immediately take steps to address these problems
. The first solution would be run
a wide of campaigns and programs about maintaining a good Fix the infinitive
to run
lifestyle
to avoid sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
lifestyle
The second measure would be encourage
companies to build up plenty of competition or programs to Fix the infinitive
to encourage
promote
their employees to have the habit doing Verb problem
encourage
regularly
exercise
In conclusion, there are various negative consequences of physical and mental Change the word
regular
disease
and appropriate steps need to be taken to tackle these problems
Submitted by okookk123456 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay generally addresses the prompt but could be more detailed and specific in discussing the problems and solutions you mention. Try to provide more concrete examples and elaborate on your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your sentences and paragraphs. Working on transitioning smoothly between ideas will make your essay easier to read and understand. Reading through your essay multiple times can help catch awkward phrasing or missing words.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for good structure.
Task Achievement
You successfully identify both problems and solutions related to the issue of a sedentary lifestyle, showing a relevant response to the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.