IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that children should have activities organised for them, while others believe that they should be free to do what they want in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People have different views as to whether
children
Use synonyms
 should engage in structured
activities
Use synonyms
 or have the freedom to do whatever they want in their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are decided benefits to free play, I believe that it is crucial for parents to arrange the recreational pursuits of their
children
Use synonyms
. Proponents of allowing
children
Use synonyms
 to pursue their preferred
activities
Use synonyms
 highlight the benefits of free play for personal growth and development. By granting
children
Use synonyms
 the autonomy to participate in
activities
Use synonyms
 of their choice, they are likely to delve into their passions, unearth their talents, develop new skills, and cultivate a heightened sense of independence and responsibility. In a world where young people often lack fundamental traits
such
Linking Words
 as discipline and self-reliance, encouraging them to make critical decisions can make a big difference in terms of their character formation and skill enrichment. Supporters of
this
Linking Words
 school of thought
also
Linking Words
 stress the significance of
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 in a child's psychological progression. Without the opportunity to engage in
activities
Use synonyms
 they find fulfilling during their free hours,
children
Use synonyms
 might struggle with feelings of injustice and disenfranchisement, potentially leading to the breakdown of parent-child relationships. In my opinion,
however
Linking Words
, the responsibility of regulating
children
Use synonyms
's
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 falls on the shoulders of their parents. If
children
Use synonyms
 have unrestricted freedom in their free
time
Use synonyms
, they may prioritize mindless entertainment over genuine relaxation and personal advancement
due to
Linking Words
 their lack of maturity. A case in point is Uzbekistan, where many
children
Use synonyms
 spend long hours playing video games, binge-watching television programs, and scrolling through social media sites in lieu of meaningful face-to-face interactions and sports
activities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 sedentary
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 has resulted in the erosion of vital interpersonal skills like emotional intelligence and conflict resolution,
as well as
Linking Words
 the rise of chronic health conditions
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and cardiovascular diseases. With the freedom to engage in their favourite
activities
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 likely to skip school and play truant in pursuit of instant gratification, ultimately compromising their academic performance. In summary,
although
Linking Words
 a large number of parents grant their
children
Use synonyms
 autonomy in their free
time
Use synonyms
, I contend that it is essential to establish a well-organised framework for recreational pursuits. Only through the meticulous and strategic organization of
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 can we ensure
children
Use synonyms
 spend their downtime effectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Consider incorporating a few more specific examples to further illustrate your points. This could involve mentioning studies, expert opinions, or more detailed personal anecdotes.
logical structure
Ensure transitions between paragraphs are smooth and facilitate the flow of ideas. For example, you might use phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition to,' to link sections cohesively.
complete response
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, and your opinion is clearly stated, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your writing is clear and comprehensive, articulating well-thought-out arguments on both sides of the debate before presenting your own viewpoint.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are both clearly present and well-structured, giving the essay a solid framework.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with logical arguments and examples, particularly the discussion about the responsibility of parents in regulating children's activities.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: