IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think new homes need to be built with private outdoor space such as a garden, yard, or balcony. Do you think this is more advantageous or more disadvantageous?

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Psychologists stated that having a green
space
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 in the
place
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 you live in will prove your mental health in a recognized way. Nature always gives the
place
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 a harmonious sense. People argue whether to include gardens, balconies, or yards in their new homes. In my opinion, greens and blooming
flowers
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 raise the positive vibes in the
place
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 making it a comfortable and outstanding
place
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 to be in.
This
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 essay will shed light on a variety of points of view regarding
this
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. Having a garden at home will provide children with a safe
place
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 to play because parents will have an eye on them all the time.
For example
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, they might include a football net or a tennis basket. Adding a wooden swing would
also
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 be entertaining and at the same time give the
place
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 a charming picture.
Furthermore
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, having a balcony would be a relaxing
place
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 to read your favourite book with a mug of chamomile tea.
Moreover
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, a yard would be an amazing
space
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 added to the house.
For example
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, if a pet is found, it can have the
space
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 to play around without being lost.
However
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,
this
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 could have many disadvantages. The owner will be compelled to take intensive care of the plants and
flowers
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 out there.
This
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 could cost a lot too.
For example
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, an olive tree costs 3000 dollars today.
In addition
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,
flowers
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 and planting supplements nowadays are highly expensive.
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, the planter should be aware of the
flowers
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' different seasons. Actually, some seeds are preferably growing in summer
while
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 others are in spring. Surprisingly, some seeds should be planted only in the winter season.
To sum up
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, people have multiple points of view about having a
place
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 that hugs nature in their new homes. The goods are it may gift the children a
space
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 to enjoy playing and it would be a calming corner for adults. The negatives may be that it may need deep care and cost a lot. I think that there is no better than being surrounded by
colorful
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colourful
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 gorgeous blooms.

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coherence
There is a need for better clarity and coherence between paragraphs. Although the ideas are present, the transitions are not always smooth, and the essay would benefit from more cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
While the essay does introduce and conclude the topic well, there are moments where the main points would benefit from more thorough development and explanation. Try to elaborate more on each point and provide more clear, direct examples.
introduction
The introduction is effective in presenting the topic and stance, as well as providing a preview of the essay.
conclusion
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main points and restates the opinion clearly and effectively.
examples
The use of personal experiences, like the example of children playing in gardens or reading on the balcony, adds a personal touch and relevance to the arguments.
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