IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. Do you agree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

#classmates #influence #parents #child’s #success #school #support
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It is widely argued that peers have more strong control than
parents
 over the success of the
children
. In my view, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement, since parental contribution is far more important than friendship owing to
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 moral
values
 among
children
 by
parents
as well as
 continuous guidance. Commencing with the most salient reason why I consider parent influence more than colleagues.
This
 is because
children
 can learn ethical
values
 under the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
shadow of
parents
. Skills
such
 as honesty, reverence, sympathy, punctuality and management of money are
prerequisite
Fix the agreement mistake
prerequisites
show examples
 for survival which can only be learnt
while
 being in the company of
parents
,
whereas
 these
values
 cannot be
practice
Wrong verb form
practised
show examples
 with peers company, who do not have enough knowledge about
such
values
.
Thus
, the more juveniles stay closer to their guardians, the more they
equip
Wrong verb form
are equipped
show examples
 with skills which are crucial for their academic achievement.
On the other hand
, another worth considering reason is to assist them with enough guidance throughout their life regardless of time
constraint
Fix the agreement mistake
constraints
show examples
.
Since
Correct word choice
Parents
show examples
parents
 not only correct their
children
 at every walk of life by monitoring them but
also
 give them ongoing support both financially and emotionally, resulting in strengthening their path
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 success.
For instance
,
parents
 often assist their juveniles in
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 regarding the selection of academic streams and career goals by using their past experience which clearly
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to opt for the right domains, and resultantly, they reach the zenith of success.
Hence
, parental influence is undeniable in
children
’s holistic development.
To conclude
, even though
classmates
Change noun form
classmates'
classmate's
show examples
 action makes a big impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
’s lives, I think
children
 would remain bereft of moral
values
 and support unless they
are residing
Wrong verb form
resided
show examples
 with their
parents
.
Submitted by abdulahad08600 on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the topic and provides a clear response. However, try to ensure that your ideas are more comprehensively expressed. For example, delve deeper into how parents instill moral values and provide continuous guidance.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, avoid repetition. For instance, the repeated use of "juveniles" can be replaced with synonyms. Additionally, ensure consistent use of vocabulary and phrases. Avoiding wordiness will enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.
task achievement
You provided specific reasons to support your viewpoint, which makes your argument more compelling.
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