IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. Do you agree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

It is widely argued that peers have more strong control than
parents
Use synonyms
 over the success of the
children
Use synonyms
. In my view, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, since parental contribution is far more important than friendship owing to
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 moral
values
Use synonyms
 among
children
Use synonyms
 by
parents
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 continuous guidance. Commencing with the most salient reason why I consider parent influence more than colleagues.
This
Linking Words
 is because
children
Use synonyms
 can learn ethical
values
Use synonyms
 under the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
shadow of
parents
Use synonyms
. Skills
such
Linking Words
 as honesty, reverence, sympathy, punctuality and management of money are
prerequisite
Fix the agreement mistake
prerequisites
show examples
 for survival which can only be learnt
while
Linking Words
 being in the company of
parents
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 these
values
Use synonyms
 cannot be
practice
Wrong verb form
practised
show examples
 with peers company, who do not have enough knowledge about
such
Linking Words
values
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the more juveniles stay closer to their guardians, the more they
equip
Wrong verb form
are equipped
show examples
 with skills which are crucial for their academic achievement.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, another worth considering reason is to assist them with enough guidance throughout their life regardless of time
constraint
Fix the agreement mistake
constraints
show examples
.
Since
Correct word choice
Parents
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 not only correct their
children
Use synonyms
 at every walk of life by monitoring them but
also
Linking Words
 give them ongoing support both financially and emotionally, resulting in strengthening their path
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 success.
For instance
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 often assist their juveniles in
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 regarding the selection of academic streams and career goals by using their past experience which clearly
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to opt for the right domains, and resultantly, they reach the zenith of success.
Hence
Linking Words
, parental influence is undeniable in
children
Use synonyms
’s holistic development.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though
classmates
Change noun form
classmates'
classmate's
show examples
 action makes a big impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s lives, I think
children
Use synonyms
 would remain bereft of moral
values
Use synonyms
 and support unless they
are residing
Wrong verb form
resided
show examples
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the topic and provides a clear response. However, try to ensure that your ideas are more comprehensively expressed. For example, delve deeper into how parents instill moral values and provide continuous guidance.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, avoid repetition. For instance, the repeated use of "juveniles" can be replaced with synonyms. Additionally, ensure consistent use of vocabulary and phrases. Avoiding wordiness will enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.
task achievement
You provided specific reasons to support your viewpoint, which makes your argument more compelling.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: