IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the IK, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2002. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the IK, divided into three categories, from 1995 – 2002. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#minutes #billions #telephone #ik #three #categories #summaries #information #features #comparisons
The graph compared the number of telephone calls in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom from the years
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1995 – 2002 divided into three categories; fixed
line
 local, fixed
line
 national and international, and mobile calls. It can clearly
say
Wrong verb form
be said
show examples
 the local calls has a
gradually
Change the word
gradual
show examples
increase
 from the beginning to 1999 and started a
gradually
Change the adverb
gradual
show examples
 drop from 2000 to the end. Other calls type has a
continues
Replace the word
continuous
show examples
increase
 from the beginning to the end. In 1995 the local fixed
line
 had more than 70B
minutes
 of telephone calls and the number increased gradually
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
yearly
Add an article
a yearly
show examples
 basis to be in 1999 around 90B
minutes
 in a
year
. In 2000 the number had a
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 drop to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
2002 around 71B
minutes
by
Change preposition
per
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other side
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile calls started in 1995
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 less than 5B
minutes
by
Change preposition
per
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year
 and had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
steadily
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to stop in 1999
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 12B
minutes
by
Change preposition
per
show examples
 a
year
. In 2000
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
minutes
 had a significant
increase
 to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
around 22B
minutes
 per
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year
 and it continued
increase
Add the particle
to increase
show examples
 to be at the of the graph
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 45B
minutes
 per
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
year
. The national and international
fixed
Add a hyphen
fixed-line
show examples
line
 calls had a
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
increase
 from 1995 to 2002. In conclusion, we can see that the
mobile
Correct quantifier usage
number of mobile
show examples
 phone
minutes
 has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
continued
increase
 throughout the period and
it is clear that
 people replace using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fixed phone to
a mobile phones
Correct the article-noun agreement
mobile phones
a mobile phone
show examples
 after 1999.
Submitted by ziyadalkhudier on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words line, increase, b, minutes, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: