IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The nuclear family is well adapted to moving due to its size. Do you think children benefit in any way from moving? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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A small family always finds it convenient to move from one
place
Use synonyms
 to another owing to a few members in a family. The children will have a completely diverse exposure to culture and citizens from a new
place
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. I would like to take
middle
Add an article
a middle
the middle
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 view. To describe the advantages associated with changing the locality,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 is the diversity of culture. As they move, young children will be followed
with
Change preposition
by
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 new norms and traditional beliefs.
As a result
Linking Words
, they tend to become more broad thinkers.
Not to mention
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 that juveniles may get linguistic variety since society may have another language.
Hence
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, their communication skills will even be sharpened.
Moreover
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, for the purpose of building contacts, these children attempt to interact with more people which leads, eventually, to form a bigger circle
along with
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 the ameliorated confidence level.
Last
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 but not least, new
surrounding
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surroundings
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more likely to provide them with unexplored tourist
attraction
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attractions
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 and disparity in climate as compared to their previous vicinity.
On the other hand
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, there are a handful of drawbacks for a nuclear family post to finding shelter in another location. Since their family size is small, these adolescents face a big conundrum in embracing the change to their school,
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 and community.
To immune
Verb problem
From
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 my viewpoint, an introverted kid is less likely to form strong
bonding
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bonds
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 in a short span of time,
resultantly
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resulting
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it
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in
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 developing an inferiority complex.
Apart from
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this
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, teaching methods in schools vary significantly from
place
Use synonyms
 to
place
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. By
this
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, I mean that scholars will struggle
in grasping
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to grasp
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 the concepts through
a
Correct article usage
apply
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varying
method
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methods
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 of teaching. To epitomize a survey conducted recently, pedagogues, whose guardians changed the city, had a noticeably poor performance
due to
Linking Words
 a less-familiar environment.
To conclude
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, when a small family shifts, it gets the merits of variety in
slangs
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slang
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 or traditions and even, with their level of knowledge. Albeit these good points, I consider that demerits seem to affect their daily life and offer imbalance in their juvenescence.

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task achievement
Your essay covers various aspects of the topic, but try to avoid overly complex sentence structures which can lead to occasional unclear or awkward phrasing. Simplifying some sentences can help with clarity.
task achievement
While you have provided relevant examples, make sure each example directly supports your point to strengthen your argumentation. More specific and detailed examples would improve your task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more robust in outlining your stance to provide better clarity and direction for the reader. Make sure to clearly state your thesis statement and the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion could offer a more decisive summary of your overall argument. Ensure that it ties back to your thesis statement clearly and succinctly.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted both the advantages and disadvantages of children moving, demonstrating a balanced perspective. This adds depth to your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with clear paragraphs dedicated to specific points. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is good, with each point leading logically to the next. This helps to maintain the reader’s interest and comprehension.
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