IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Sports play a significant role in promoting physical and mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#sports #role #health
Sports
 play a crucial role in boosting not only physical and mental
health
 but the
overall
 well-being of an individual and have created unprecedented benefits. I completely agree with the statement that
sports
 help enhance the muscles of the
body
, improve focus, and ameliorate mental
health
 conditions like depression and anxiety. When a person plays
sports
, its muscle size increases because it continually challenges the muscles to deal with higher levels of resistance or weight which results in carving muscles on the
body
. A study conducted in India on teenager’s participation in
sports
 showed a significant amount of physical change within two months,
similarly
, significant progress was witnessed in confidence
also
.
Furthermore
, physical
activity
 intensifies focus too. When a person is engaging in an
activity
, the
body
 releases hormones called endorphins which are natural mood boosters, the heart pumps more blood and oxygen is carried by blood to every corner of the brain. The outcome of
this
 leads to better visualisation, making the right decisions and performing better in tasks.
Additionally
, Anxiety and Depression are major
health
 issues nowadays, physical
activity
 increases brain stimulation, clears thought processes, and the presence of the mind, cultivates self-love and warmth
also
, it is tackling the problem of sleeping by releasing chemicals into the
body
.
To conclude
, I think the importance of exercise goes beyond the advantages mentioned above as it
also
 offers additional
health
 benefits like long life, disease-free
body
, and agility. A Moderate amount of
activity
 should be performed on a day-to-day basis.
Submitted by ali695313 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt and includes a relevant introduction and conclusion. However, the introduction could be more concise.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider range of linking words and avoid repetition of phrases like 'physical activity.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Adding some transitional sentences between the paragraphs can help achieve this.
task achievement
For task achievement, consider giving more specific examples or studies to support your points, as this will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the topic and provides a strong position on the role of sports in promoting health.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively frame your arguments.
task achievement
You included relevant examples and studies, which help support your points logically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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