IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Sports play a significant role in promoting physical and mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#sports #role #health
Sports
 play a crucial role in boosting not only physical and mental
health
 but
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of an individual and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 created unprecedented benefits. I completely agree with the statement
as
Change preposition
that
show examples
sports
 help in enhancing
muscles
Correct article usage
the muscles
show examples
 of the
body
, improving focus, and ameliorating mental
health
 conditions like depression and anxiety. When a person plays
sports
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
muscles
Correct subject-verb agreement
muscle
show examples
 size increases because it continually
challenging
Wrong verb form
challenges
show examples
 the
muscles
 to deal with higher
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of resistance or weight which results in carving
muscles
 on the
body
. A study conducted in India on teenager’s participation in
sports
 showed a significant amount of physical change within two months,
similarly
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant progress
witnessed
Add a missing verb
was witnessed
show examples
 in confidence
also
.
Furthermore
, physical
activity
intensify
Change the verb form
intensifies
show examples
 focus too. When a person is engaging in an
activity
, the
body
 releases hormones called endorphins which are natural mood
booster
Fix the agreement mistake
boosters
show examples
,
heart
Correct article usage
The heart
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pump
Correct subject-verb agreement
pumps
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 more blood and oxygen
carries
Wrong verb form
is carried
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 by blood to every corner of the brain. The outcome of
this
 leads to better visualisation
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 decisions and
perform
Wrong verb form
performing
show examples
 better in tasks.
Additionally
, Anxiety and Depression are major
health
 issues
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, physical
activity
 increases brain stimulation,
clearing
Wrong verb form
clears
show examples
Correct article usage
the thoughts
show examples
thoughts
Change the noun form
thought
show examples
 process,
presence
Correct word choice
and presence
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 of
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
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,
Correct word choice
and cultivate
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cultivate
Wrong verb form
cultivating
show examples
 self-love and warmth
also
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
tacking
Correct your spelling
tackling
show examples
 the problem of sleeping by releasing chemicals
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
body
.
To conclude
, I think the importance of exercise goes beyond
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 mentioned above as it
also
 offers additional
health
 benefits like
long-life
Correct your spelling
long life
show examples
, disease-free
body
, and agility. A Moderate amount of
activity
 should be performed on
day-to-day
Add an article
a day-to-day
show examples
 basis.
Submitted by ali695313 on

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and sentence structure to improve clarity.
cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas more clearly.
examples
Provide more specific examples or statistical data to lend greater support to your main points.
structure
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, neatly framing your arguments.
task
You have effectively addressed the tasks, covering the importance of sports in physical and mental health.
content
The essay presents numerous relevant ideas, indicating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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