Task 2: Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #role #men #country’s #police #force #kinds #jobs

It has always been a debatable issue whether or not girls should be given equal chances as men in various job posts including the country's police force or military force.

However

, I believe women should be treated equally

while

others do not support

this

notion. I will discuss

this

in upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

with,

females

are not often supported in these fields

due to

several reasons like their mental condition, and physical health which is considered to be not very strong.

In addition

this

, a lack of awareness in these fields often leads to

this

discrimination.

For example

, in earlier periods ladies were not sent to schools and had no exposure to these fields and physical health.

Therefore

, during wars,

females

were kept for food and other services in the military including medical services.

along with

, managing household stuff in military camps. Moving on, in

this

era

females

are well educated with strong mindsets. Most of them are aware of physical health required for these services

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and prepare

accordingly

Also

, ladies do choose their careers wisely.

Therefore

, they should be given equal opportunities. In several countries, adult

females

serve in these forces and have proved these myths wrong by achieving higher positions than men. In conclusion, the ultimate focus should individuals' capability and qualifications

instead

of gender. Providing girls with equal chances brings equality in society and better representation of gender.

Submitted by manjeetsandhu1999 on Sat Aug 10 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is good. However, try to balance your discussion more by providing additional points for the opposing view, ensuring a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

Your essay would benefit from a more logical flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph is clearly connected to the next with appropriate linking words and phrases.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence, consider giving a clearer outline in your introduction of what you will discuss in each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your essay.

task achievement

Be sure to include specific examples and stronger evidence to support the main points you are making. This will make your arguments more convincing.

task achievement

Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and addresses both views, which is essential for this task.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion successfully summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

233 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

equality
stereotypes
diversity
physical prowess
discrimination
negotiation skills
gender roles
morale
integrated forces
equal opportunities
unit cohesion
combat effectiveness
bias
harassment
meritocracy
transformative
empowerment

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Task 2: Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

some people think that the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Millions of people every year move to English-speaking countries such as Australia, Britain or America, in order to study at school, college or university. Why do so many people want to study in English? Why is English such an important international language? Give reasons for your answer.

Children nowadays watch significantly more television than in the past, which reduces their activity levels accordingly. What are the advantages and disadvantages for children of watching television?

Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work that with their children To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answers.

Nowadays plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards are extremely popular, even more than banknotes and coins. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.