Task 2: Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #women #role #men #country’s #police #force #kinds #jobs

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It has always been a debatable issue whether or not girls should be given equal chances as men in various job posts including the country's police force or military force.

However

Linking Words

, I believe women should be treated equally

while

Linking Words

others do not support

this

Linking Words

notion. I will discuss

this

Linking Words

in upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

Linking Words

with,

females

Use synonyms

are not often supported in these fields

due to

Linking Words

several reasons like their mental condition, and physical health which is considered to be not very strong.

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, a lack of awareness in these fields often leads to

this

Linking Words

discrimination.

For example

Linking Words

, in earlier periods ladies were not sent to schools and had no exposure to these fields and physical health.

Therefore

Linking Words

, during wars,

females

Use synonyms

were kept for food and other services in the military including medical services.

along with

Linking Words

, managing household stuff in military camps. Moving on, in

this

Linking Words

era

females

Use synonyms

are well educated with strong mindsets. Most of them are aware of physical health required for these services

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and prepare

accordingly

Linking Words

Also

Linking Words

, ladies do choose their careers wisely.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they should be given equal opportunities. In several countries, adult

females

Use synonyms

serve in these forces and have proved these myths wrong by achieving higher positions than men. In conclusion, the ultimate focus should individuals' capability and qualifications

instead

Linking Words

of gender. Providing girls with equal chances brings equality in society and better representation of gender.

Submitted by manjeetsandhu1999 on Sat Aug 10 2024

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task achievement

You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is good. However, try to balance your discussion more by providing additional points for the opposing view, ensuring a more comprehensive response.

coherence cohesion

Your essay would benefit from a more logical flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph is clearly connected to the next with appropriate linking words and phrases.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence, consider giving a clearer outline in your introduction of what you will discuss in each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your essay.

task achievement

Be sure to include specific examples and stronger evidence to support the main points you are making. This will make your arguments more convincing.

task achievement

Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and addresses both views, which is essential for this task.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion successfully summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

233 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

equality
stereotypes
diversity
physical prowess
discrimination
negotiation skills
gender roles
morale
integrated forces
equal opportunities
unit cohesion
combat effectiveness
bias
harassment
meritocracy
transformative
empowerment

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Task 2: Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods.This is having a negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Many people believe that funding space exploration is important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You have just won two tickets to a concert and want invite your friend to go with you.Write a letter to your friend. In the letter: •give details about the concert •describe how you won the tickets •explain why you've chosen your friend to go with.

Some people believe that volunteer work should be a requirement for teenagers in high schools (for instance working for a charity). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that children should be thought How to cook at school, Others argue that it is a waste of time for writing ielts