Task 2: Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It has always been a debatable issue whether or not girls should be given equal chances as men in various job posts including the country's police force or military force.
However
, I believe women should be treated equally
while
others do not support
this
notion. I will discuss
this
in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
with,
females
are not often supported in these fields
due to
several reasons like their mental condition, and physical health which is considered to be not very strong.
In addition
to
this
, a lack of awareness in these fields often leads to
this
discrimination.
For example
, in earlier periods ladies were not sent to schools and had no exposure to these fields and physical health.
Therefore
, during wars,
females
were kept for food and other services in the military including medical services.
along with
, managing household stuff in military camps. Moving on, in
this
era
females
are well educated with strong mindsets. Most of them are aware of physical health required for these services
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and prepare
accordingly
.
Also
, ladies do choose their careers wisely.
Therefore
, they should be given equal opportunities. In several countries, adult
females
serve in these forces and have proved these myths wrong by achieving higher positions than men. In conclusion, the ultimate focus should individuals' capability and qualifications
instead
of gender. Providing girls with equal chances brings equality in society and better representation of gender.
Submitted by manjeetsandhu1999 on

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task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is good. However, try to balance your discussion more by providing additional points for the opposing view, ensuring a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more logical flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph is clearly connected to the next with appropriate linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider giving a clearer outline in your introduction of what you will discuss in each paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Be sure to include specific examples and stronger evidence to support the main points you are making. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and addresses both views, which is essential for this task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your stance effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • equality
  • stereotypes
  • diversity
  • physical prowess
  • discrimination
  • negotiation skills
  • gender roles
  • morale
  • integrated forces
  • equal opportunities
  • unit cohesion
  • combat effectiveness
  • bias
  • harassment
  • meritocracy
  • transformative
  • empowerment
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