IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that the goverment is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree?

#people #goverment #money #arts
The debate on
government
 over
arts
 raises
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
show examples
 on whether the
money
 is utilized properly or not.Over the point of view of the
topic
Add a comma
topic,
show examples
 the answer is not on either side. There are both right
statement
Change to a plural noun
statements
show examples
 in the argument.
Firstly
,
Arts
Correct article usage
the Arts
show examples
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 an important role in preserving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural
heritages
Fix the agreement mistake
heritage
show examples
.
Arts
 like paintings, music
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
theatre and many others
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reflicts
Correct your spelling
reflect
nations
Change noun form
nations'
nation's
show examples
 historical events. The paintings
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the history of past history and modern
arts
 in the upcoming future and so do
tells
Wrong verb form
tell
show examples
 about the style of paintings in new generations.Classic music, rap and many other
style
Change to a plural noun
styles
show examples
 of music will make
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 suitable place in future which might inspire them.
Way
Correct article usage
The way
show examples
 of acting done in theatre can
may
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
help in knowing the way of
Add an article
the act
an act
show examples
act
Wrong verb form
acting
show examples
 in past times.
Secondly
,
Also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
 the
arts
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 in the way of earning for the interested ones.
thirdly
Capitalize word
Thirdly
show examples
,These
arts
also
acts
Correct subject-verb agreement
act
show examples
 as a source of entertainment for the citizens. There is
also
 a point in some people's view as the
money
 wasted
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
arts
 can
further
 help the
government
 in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of education,health sectors,
infrastructure's
Change noun form
infrastructure
show examples
 like roads and many others. The
arts
doesnot
Verb problem
do not
show examples
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 in revenue but
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 only a
waste
 of
money
.But
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree
Change preposition
with
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 point that
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
waste
 of
money
Change preposition
for
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
government
 if the
money
is spend
Change the verb form
is spent
show examples
Change preposition
within
show examples
in
Change preposition
within
show examples
 a
Correct your spelling
certain
sertain
Correct your spelling
certain
 limit
then
 the
arts
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not a
waste
 but
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 inspiration for
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 or even others. In conclusion,there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no
such
 things
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
waste
 of
money
 of the
government
 in anything as the thing that some people
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 as a
waste
 of
money
 might help
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 in many different ways.
Submitted by niteshrayamajhi542 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Introduce clear paragraphs to make the argument easier to follow. Each paragraph should discuss a single main idea, and this idea should be clearly stated at the beginning of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay. It should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure that the argument flows logically from one point to the next.
task achievement
Provide more balanced support for each viewpoint. Each argument should be elaborated with detailed explanations and relevant specific examples.
task achievement
Use more advanced vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the clarity and sophistication of your ideas. Aim for more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to show a higher level of fluency.
task achievement
Check for grammar and punctuation errors to ensure that your writing is clear and free of mistakes. This will improve the overall readability and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
The importance of arts in preserving cultural heritage and providing entertainment is well noted.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: