IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Countries should produce the food that their population eats, and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons, examples to your answer.

#countries #food #population #import
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It is believed that producing
food
 in a country is better than importing
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 from other areas. At first glance, it is important to understand the differences between importing or producing meals in many aspects
such
 as costs and time.
Firstly
, making
food
 in any kingdom has several steps. Agricultural is the first one. A lot of money and mineral resources are spent on
this
 step.
For instance
, making a tomato sauce needs delicious nutrition and perfect tomatoes. The next step refers to factories and human resources.
Furthermore
, all these steps show how enormous energy and money are spent on producing a bottle of ketchup sauce.
However
, if they buy it from another country, it might be cheaper because they do not spend a lot of
moneymaking
Correct your spelling
money making
show examples
 some kinds of
food
. Apart from the first paragraph, when a country exports any kind of product to other areas, they make huge benefits from doing that for themselves
such
 as selling products expensive. But
due to
 the story of exporting and importing, it is obvious governments did not use to buy their people's
food
 from other ones and one of the reasons was that they were full of stress about transportation and how to conserve them fresh during transportation time.
In contrast
 to the past, new technology helps to ignore
this
 problem.
Then
 importing has gotten easier in the
last
 few years.
Therefore
, we can say it depends on countries to choose which way is better for them to have their
food
 for their folks
due to
 how much money and time they want to spend on
this
 subject.
Overall
, in my opinion,
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
food
 for many products
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more economical than importing them.
However
, buying specific snacks or meals Is better because it is cheaper than producing them in lines.
Submitted by sarvin.rahimi9898 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your points. For example, instead of "if they buy it from another country, it might be cheaper," you could cite specific examples of countries where this is the case.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your position more clearly.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of identifying and discussing different aspects of the topic, such as costs and the technological advancements that have made importing easier.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with ideas flowing in a sensible order. For example, you first discuss the different steps involved in food production before moving on to the pros and cons of importing food.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-sufficiency
  • trade dependency
  • food security
  • sustainable agriculture
  • local economies
  • carbon footprint
  • supply chain
  • food miles
  • agricultural sector
  • domestic production
  • import substitution
  • food sovereignty
  • global supply chains
  • trade imbalances
  • food standards
  • economic resilience
  • biodiversity
  • cultural heritage
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