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Band 5

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweibgh the disadvantages for the environment?

#countries #people #cars #trend #individuals #outweibgh #environment
An argument has arisen on whether the merits of the increased numbers of
cars
Change the noun form
car
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 owners
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the demerits of it. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both
of
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apply
show examples
the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 condition and conclude with my perspective. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, having the ability to travel by your own car can be so beneficial as it helps you gain independence, you will go on rides whenever you want and it
also
 means that you will be able to save more money as taking taxies
conistantely
Correct your spelling
constantly
consistently
 could be money and
time consuming
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time-consuming
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.
For example
, one day I needed to go to the hospital for an emergency but I could not find a driver which led to a
detereoration
Correct your spelling
deterioration
 in my health, If I had a car I would have taken myself to the nearest healthcare building.
On the other hand
, if the numbers of
cars
 are increasing, soon we will be facing multiple significant issues.
For instance
, traffic congestion and environmental problems like climate change and pollution.
Cars
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Car
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emmisions
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emissions
 are so harmful
for
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to
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 humans and other creatures as
it
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they
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contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
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 CO2. Some scientists
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
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 on the fact that
cars
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car
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 exhausts are the biggest
contributer
Correct your spelling
contributor
in
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to
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 air
polluion
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pollution
, and the use of
cars
 must be limited to save the
sourrounding
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surrounding
 nature.
Moreover
, in my
city
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city,
show examples
 there is
a
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apply
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deforestation happening in order to make bigger roads to accommodate
this
 huge number of
cars
, which is another environmental problem that needs to be tackled. In conclusion,
due to
 the
harmul
Correct your spelling
harmful
, dangerous, and bad impact of the high numbers of used
cars
, I agree with the fact that the number of
cars
 should be limited for present and future environmental
purpuses
Correct your spelling
purposes
.
Submitted by 9500kawther1700 on

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grammar vocabulary
Ensure your spelling and grammar are accurate and consistent. For example, 'taxies' should be 'taxis,' and 'detereoration' should be 'deterioration.'
content development
Expand on your arguments with more elaborate examples or data to strengthen your points further. This will improve your overall response and clarity.
logical structure
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall coherence. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your essay smoothly.
structuring
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Develop each point more fully before moving on to the next. This will improve the logical structure and make your arguments clearer.
introduction conclusion
You clearly stated the topic and your perspective on it in both the introduction and conclusion.
relevant examples
You provided relevant examples to back up your points, which adds weight to your arguments.
task response
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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