IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from the internet and be educated at home. Do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #internet #home
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Many people believe that homeschooling is preferable to traditional education because learning can be done online. I do not agree with
this
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 because
students
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 require face-to-face guidance and many web-based schools are not reliable.
Firstly
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, online classes are not very effective as they do not provide
face-to-face
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the face-to-face
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 guidance required by
students
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. Despite the advancement in technology, robotic teachers cannot be able to control what
students
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 are doing during the class.
For example
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, during a lesson, some children can shift focus to something funny or enjoyable to them
such
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 as games or music and no one can monitor and control them.
Moreover
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, it is very easy for a traditional teacher to understand
pupils
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pupils'
pupil's
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 strengths and weaknesses and guide them
accordingly
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, something an online or robotic teacher cannot do.
Secondly
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, not all web-based schools are reliable, most of them are not effective. Different websites can have different information on the same subject which is not accurate.
For instance
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, anyone can create a channel or website and claim to be a professional teacher which they are not and they can use materials from other sites that are
also
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 not reliable.
This
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 can mislead the
students
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 as most of
this
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 information
do
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does
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 not follow the guidelines provided by the educational sector.
In addition
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 to
this
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, some sites can have pop-up adverts which are not appropriate for the kids and
this
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 cannot be a reliable source of learning for the kids as it is disturbing and
violets
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violates
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 their rights.
To sum up
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, I completely disagree with the notion that traditional schools are no longer
of
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apply
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importance
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important
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 as there is a lot of information on the
internet
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Internet
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.
Students
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 still need guidance and reliable sources of education.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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task achievement
Your essay clearly presents your stance on the topic and supports it with relevant points. However, you could strengthen your arguments by providing more specific examples or data to support your points. For instance, citing studies or expert opinions can enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is logically structured and flows well from one idea to the next, there is room for improvement in the way points are elaborated. You could improve the coherence by linking paragraphs more effectively with transitional phrases. For example, using phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'In contrast,' can help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and focused introduction that sets up the argument effectively. The conclusion also effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your stance, providing good closure.
logical structure
You have maintained a logical structure throughout the essay, presenting clear main points and supporting them with relevant arguments. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of your argument, which helps in maintaining clarity.
supported main points
Your points about the limitations of online classes and unreliable web-based schools are relevant and well-explained. These points effectively support your argument against replacing traditional schools with online learning.
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