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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

What can we learn from the boys' experience about the nature of power and leadership?

#boys #nature #power #leadership
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We can learn that boys’ approach to power and leadership is very different from girls, that they are more complicated and much more violent than we know of.
Firstly
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, boys are much more complicated as they want to be the top dog and be the one who holds control.
This
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 is why we see a lot of disaffection among the boys, especially Jack who eventually rebels and turns into a savage. All of these problems came from who gets the power, either Ralph or Jack. Throughout the book, we see
this
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 idea coming back again and again and Jack slowly loses his mind and constantly tries to overthrow Ralph.
However
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,
this
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 would succeed as he loses his leadership and the whole island plunges into civil war.
Secondly
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, all of the people on the island want to rule,
this
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 is because it’s an isolated area with no grownups, so the one with the most power could do whatever they want and become king in that place.
This
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 encourages people to fight and do whatever it takes to become the strongest one out of everyone.
For example
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, Ralph wants to focus on getting rescued,
while
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 Jack wants to become a hunter and focus more on sustainability. So these two ideas clash together forming violence and with violence comes a lot of more complicated stuff resulting in the approaches being more violent and much more scary. In conclusion, we can learn that boys are violent and they will do anything to get control and would come to extreme lengths to do so.
Submitted by trungnh283 on

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task achievement
Strengthen your task achievement by ensuring your response comprehensively covers both components of the topic: the nature of power and leadership. Ensure each point made directly reinforces this analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by ensuring transitions between ideas are smoother. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs logically.
task achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples from the source material to better illustrate your points. This will help in grounding your arguments in the context and provide depth to your analysis.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a clear conclusion, summarizing the main points discussed and reinforcing the central argument.
task achievement
You have articulated a clear perspective on the nature of power and leadership among boys, focusing on the themes of complexity and violence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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