IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Peer
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 is a pervasive phenomenon that significantly influences the
behaviours
Use synonyms
 of young individuals.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that it plays a crucial role in positively shaping the lives of the youth, others contend that the disadvantages of
peer
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 are very detrimental.
Peer
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
, when harnessed positively, can have several advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can foster a sense of belonging and camaraderie among individuals within the same age group. Young
people
Use synonyms
 often seek acceptance and affirmation from their peers, and
this
Linking Words
 can contribute to their emotional well-being and self-esteem. A
further
Linking Words
 benefit is that positive
peer
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 can encourage healthy
behaviours
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as exercising or avoiding risky activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, a teenager might be motivated to quit smoking if their friends promote a smoke-free lifestyle.
However
Linking Words
,
peer
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 have distinct disadvantages. The most pressing concern is the potential for negative influences on impressionable minds. Young
people
Use synonyms
 may succumb to the
pressure
Use synonyms
 of engaging in harmful
behaviours
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as substance abuse, criminal activities, or reckless
behaviours
Use synonyms
 like driving without a seatbelt,
due to
Linking Words
peer
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
, which can lead to long-lasting negative consequences and jeopardise their future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, excessive
pressure
Use synonyms
 from peers can stifle individuality and creativity as young
people
Use synonyms
 may conform to the norms of their
peer
Use synonyms
 group
instead
Linking Words
 of pursuing their own aspirations and dreams.
This
Linking Words
 conformity may limit their personal growth and hinder their ability to think independently. In conclusion, I would argue that
peer
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 has more disadvantages as
although
Linking Words
 it can foster a sense of belonging and promote healthy
behaviours
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 carries the risk of leading young
people
Use synonyms
 astray and stifling their individuality. It is imperative for parents, educators, and society at large to guide young
people
Use synonyms
 in making informed choices and navigating the complexities of
peer
Use synonyms
 influence.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples to support your assertions. Consider including additional real-world examples or personal anecdotes.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is good but can be further enhanced by using more transitional phrases to ensure seamless flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly presenting the topic and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: