Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Great role models today were bad boys yesterday. Your life years ago might lead
people
to judge you . Many previous criminals
become better citizens when coming out of prison. Some people
support that they are the suitable people
to talk with teenagers
about the risk of being criminals
, while
others say that they shouldn't be the people
guiding our kids towards the right path. This
essay will discuss both views as well as
explain why teenagers
should hear specific words from these people
.
A group in the society agree that teenagers
should go through a talk with a person who was in prison previously because this
will save the child from falling into the same traps the man went in before. Because that citizen ,for sure ,has a horrible background , tips from him may save your teenager
from highly risky experiences. For example
, the teenager
may be warned from
bad effective friends. Maybe his friends led him to walk in that criminal way, and Change preposition
by
that is
one of the tips he might provide. Hence
, some people
give the green light to these talks between the citizen and the teenager
because of the valuable information and warnings he
may give.
Correct pronoun usage
they
However
, another side of the community would refuse this
kind of teaching because it may adversely affect the teenager
. This
could open his eyes to new criminal ideas he did not think of before. For instance
, the teenager
knew recently about addictive materials he did not realize before which will push him to search about and maybe try. Moreover
, the teenager
may be afraid of facing his community members after recognizing that criminals
may be anywhere on the road. Since these criminals
got out, any criminal may be free and continue their bad behaviour. Because of that, some parents refuse the discuss about
these topics with their children.
In my view, I slightly agree because these guys may grab the Remove the preposition
apply
teenager
's attention to be focused on their future and academic life. The criminal might mention the lack of career opportunities after being out of prison which will convince the listener to focus on his education and ensure a good future for himself.
To sum up
, different points of view are there if rather a past prisoner spread awareness among teenagers
about the dangers of committing a crime. Although
some agree that it may help to avoid long-term mistakes, others argue that it may teach the child things he didn't realize yet. In my opinion, I support that past prisoners need to have a talk with teenagers
and discuss their faults and wrong steps taken.Submitted by ghala_alshatti_16 on
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task achievement
While the essay effectively discusses both sides of the argument, it can benefit from stronger examples to support the main points. Adding more specific real-life examples or statistics can enhance the argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and connects smoothly with the subsequent paragraph. Using transitional phrases can improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-structured introduction, discussion of both points of view, and a clear conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically transitions from one argument to the next, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example