nowadays many people use social media do you think advantages of this outweigh the drawbacks

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In recent years the number of
people
who use social
media
has grown enormously. Some argue that
this
phenomenon has a huge number of advantages,
such
as communication with interesting
people
, making new friends and entertainment.
However
, I strongly believe that the drawbacks of
this
ranging from wasting
time
to online bullying exceed the benefits.
This
essay will explore both the pros and cons of
this
theme and give its own perspective.
To begin
with, there are a myriad of benefits of using social
media
.
Firstly
, social
media
gives an opportunity to talk with a lot of interesting
people
.
For example
, because of Instagram my classmate talked to Damian Musk and asked him whether he could make an online conference about quantum physics.
Consequently
, members of our school learned much more about
this
subject from a Caltech student.
Secondly
, some
people
are scared of real live conversations, being introverts.
However
, using social
media
they can talk to human beings online, without being afraid.
Finally
, after a hard day at work, humans can get the relaxation and the necessary amount of dopamine. To illustrate, coming home from a job with a bad mood may be improved by watching funny videos on YouTube.
Conversely
, it is important to recognize that usage of social
media
has some drawbacks.
For instance
,
instead
of studying or doing sports,
people
may waste their
time
, by spending a huge number of hours on social
media
. To illustrate, before perceiving that I spend too much
time
with messengers, I usually spend three hours per day scrolling through short videos.
Additionally
, no one is safe from online bullying, anyone can get abysmal comments on their posts, which may cause depression and other psychological issues.
Moreover
, spending too much
time
on a phone may lead to eye diseases or even full blindness. In conclusion,
although
social
media
has a lot of advantages like making new friends and connecting with
people
, I firmly assert that the drawbacks of
this
, ranging from wasting
such
crucial
time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
to health diseases and being bullied outweigh the merits.
Therefore
, it is vital to distinguish that we should not spend that much
time
on social
media
.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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task achievement
Try to include more varied examples to support each point, showcasing a broader understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the linkage between ideas and paragraphs using a wider range of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
Main points are logically structured and supported with relevant examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized communication
  • instant messaging
  • video calls
  • educational tools
  • information and resources
  • social and political issues
  • wider reach
  • targeted advertising
  • mental health
  • productivity
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misuse of personal information
  • identity theft
  • financial loss
  • misinformation
  • social panic
  • harmful ideologies
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