The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.

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The bar graph depicts the numbers of workers in five different areas of jobs in a particular locale in Australia during two different years,2001 and 2008.

Overall

, sales had the maximum number of folks in

both

periods,

whereas

farming was the least popular job there. It is conspicuous from the bar diagram that the sales job grabbed the maximum number of people in

both

timeframes, approximately 160000 in 2001 and slightly increased after seven years. Accounting had a decline when compared to 2001 when the figures dipped from more than 60000 to less than that of afterwards. Nursing and computing showed similar amounts at around 50000 during the first data.

Nevertheless

both

had a surge for the second time, where nursing jobs touched over 60000,

while

IT jobs climbed up almost 60000. Farming was the least preferred job as it remained lowest in

both

years , scoring approximately 20000 in 2001 and 2008 .

Submitted by krishnabalu1984 on Sun Aug 11 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words both with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

153 words

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The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in a certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008.

Stress related illnesses are becoming increasingly common What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggests?

Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?

Goverment should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

in some countries, younfg people are encouraged to work or travel for a year before starting universities. discuss advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

Some people say patriotism causes problems and is negative overall. Others feel that it is beneficial for society at large. Do the advantages of patriotism outweigh its disadvantages?