Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice.

Some would argue that raising kids around the
city
is the best option
whereas
others disagree by saying that the
countryside
would be a better choice.
While
being educated around a
city
brings certain benefits, I believe that it is much more beneficial for
children
to grow up in the
countryside
. On one hand, people agree kids should be in the
city
to get into the best schools and universities. In the urban areas, institutions normally have the support of the government and usually have the best equipment to provide a good quality education.
For example
, in Australia, you are able to find two of the best universities (“The University of Melbourne” and “The University of Sydney”) where citizens from a range of different countries are able to better study opportunities.
On the other hand
, raising
children
in the
countryside
brings plenty of benefits in order to help them grow up with a greater peace of mind and a healthy body. The
countryside
offers its residents a highly peaceful lifestyle which mostly includes a friendly community, a connection with nature, small schools (
children
getting more personalized classes) and organic food.
For instance
, around Darwin’s
countryside
(situated in the Northern Territory of Australia) people have a relaxing life with less anxiety
as well as
enjoying a healthier lifestyle than those who live in the
city
. In conclusion, there is a certain amount of people who would prefer to bring up their kids in a
city
in order to get the best education for them
while
others have proved that growing up in the
countryside
would offer
children
many more benefits including building a healthy body and be more relax around nature. Personally speaking, it would depend on the person and how someone feels getting the best of their potential in different environments.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating your conclusion more to highlight the key points discussed in the essay. This will strengthen the overall argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which provide a good structure to the essay.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument effectively, addressing the pros and cons of raising children in both the city and the countryside.
task achievement
You used relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • rural area
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • advanced medical facilities
  • peaceful
  • less pollution
  • access to nature
  • community feel
  • foster a sense of belonging
  • natural surroundings
  • outdoor activities
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural richness
  • wholesome upbringing
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