Some people think that competition at work, at school in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

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In today's society,with the evolving social landscape,some argue that
competition
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plays a key role in
people
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's lives,
while
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others contend that
cooperation
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can lead to more benefits.
Therefore
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,
this
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essay will explore both viewpoints and I believe that
competition
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contributes to significant advantages
than
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over
show examples
cooperation
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. On the one hand, advocates of collaboration assert that it can accelerate the progress and innovation of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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and society.
For example
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, it makes
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
for
people
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to achieve goals and missions through collective efforts, as
people
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can exchange their knowledge and experience.
Moreover
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,
cooperation
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also
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creates harmonious environments and improves a sense of
indentity
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identity
, both of which not only lead to the advancement of individuals' performances but
also
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bring about positive impacts on schools, workplaces and societies.
Furthermore
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, when
people
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cooperate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
other, it contributes to the development of teamwork and the enhancement of social skills. These are essential components for individuals.
On the other hand
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, proponents of
competition
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believe that It is an effective approach to fueling
sucess
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success
in many aspects. From a personal viewpoint,
competition
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makes
people
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strive to improve themselves, and they desire to distinguish themselves from others, as they are keen to acquire
recognisation
Correct your spelling
recognition
from their teachers or bosses.
This
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, in turn, leads to a sense of purpose and achievement, thereby contributing to positive effects for
people
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and companies. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
cooperation
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leads to certain advantages,
while
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competition
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can contribute to more benefits, which indicates that
competition
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is a dispensable and pivotal element in
people
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's lives.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay presents clear arguments and covers both viewpoints, make sure your introduction and conclusion are more balanced in presenting both sides before stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Proofread your work to fix minor grammatical errors and typos such as 'recognisation' which should be 'recognition,' 'dispensable' which seems to be a misused word for 'indispensable,' and ensuring spaces after commas and throughout the text.
Task Achievement
You've provided a comprehensive response to the task and effectively presented distinct viewpoints.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've used clear and logical structuring for your paragraphs, making your essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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