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Band 5.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

#people #competition #work #school #life
In today's society,with the evolving social landscape,some argue that
competition
 plays a key role in
people
's lives,
while
 others contend that
cooperation
 can lead to more benefits.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will explore both viewpoints and I believe that
competition
 contributes to significant advantages
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
cooperation
. On the one hand, advocates of collaboration assert that it can accelerate the progress and innovation of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 and society.
For example
, it makes
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
 for
people
 to achieve goals and missions through collective efforts, as
people
 can exchange their knowledge and experience.
Moreover
,
cooperation
also
 creates harmonious environments and improves a sense of
indentity
Correct your spelling
identity
, both of which not only lead to the advancement of individuals' performances but
also
 bring about positive impacts on schools, workplaces and societies.
Furthermore
, when
people
 cooperate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other, it contributes to the development of teamwork and the enhancement of social skills. These are essential components for individuals.
On the other hand
, proponents of
competition
 believe that It is an effective approach to fueling
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 in many aspects. From a personal viewpoint,
competition
 makes
people
 strive to improve themselves, and they desire to distinguish themselves from others, as they are keen to acquire
recognisation
Correct your spelling
recognition
 from their teachers or bosses.
This
, in turn, leads to a sense of purpose and achievement, thereby contributing to positive effects for
people
 and companies. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
cooperation
 leads to certain advantages,
while
competition
 can contribute to more benefits, which indicates that
competition
 is a dispensable and pivotal element in
people
's lives.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay presents clear arguments and covers both viewpoints, make sure your introduction and conclusion are more balanced in presenting both sides before stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Proofread your work to fix minor grammatical errors and typos such as 'recognisation' which should be 'recognition,' 'dispensable' which seems to be a misused word for 'indispensable,' and ensuring spaces after commas and throughout the text.
Task Achievement
You've provided a comprehensive response to the task and effectively presented distinct viewpoints.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've used clear and logical structuring for your paragraphs, making your essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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