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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #competition #work #school #life
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In today's society, with the evolving social landscape, some argue that
competition
 plays a key role in
people
's lives,
while
 others contend that cooperation can lead to greater benefits.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will explore both viewpoints, and I believe that
competition
 contributes more significant advantages than cooperation. On the one hand, advocates of collaboration assert that it can accelerate progress and innovation for individuals and society.
For example
, it makes it easier for
people
 to achieve goals and missions through collective efforts, as they can exchange their knowledge and experience.
Moreover
, collaboration creates harmonious environments,
such
 as friendly schools and workplaces, and improves a sense of identity.
Furthermore
, when
people
 cooperate with each other, it contributes to the development of teamwork and the enhancement of social skills.
On the other hand
, proponents of
competition
 believe that it is an effective approach to fueling success in many aspects. From a personal viewpoint,
competition
 makes
people
 strive to improve themselves and desire to distinguish themselves from others, as they are keen to acquire recognition from their teachers or bosses.
This
, in turn, leads to not only a sense of purpose and achievement but
also
 an improvement in individual performance, all of which are essential components for individuals.
Consequently
,
this
 contributes to positive effects for
people
, companies, and societies. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that cooperation leads to certain advantages,
while
competition
 can contribute more benefits, which indicates that
competition
 is an indispensable and pivotal element in
people
's lives.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help make your argument more compelling and concrete.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will further enhance the coherence of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s opinion, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs addressing both viewpoints and the writer’s opinion.
coherence cohesion
Good use of linking words and phrases to maintain the flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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