IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some countries achieve international sporting success by building specialised facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #success #facilities #train #athletes #sports #development
It is argued that sportsmen who win the top international prize are trained by professional
facilities
 only in some countries. I agree with the idea to some extent, but I believe that common people can
also
 be successful through normal
facilities
 that everyone can use. There are several reasons why specialised
facilities
 can train sportsmen successfully.
Firstly
, professional coaches can train athletes well through reasonable arrangements, a sport-oriented diet, and imparting experience.
For example
, China’s national
sports
 team, which has been established in a very short time, have already won so many prizes in the international Olympic Games.
Secondly
, the national team’s athlete is a full-time job, who can spend all their time on training, and they do not need to be
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 about finances.
Finally
, the selection process of the national
sports
 team can admit the most talented students or children to the specialised
facilities
 around the country.
On the other hand
, I believe that national sporting success can
also
 achieved by the common facility. The talented sportsman can reach world rank
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 self-motivated training, who is just inspired by personal hobbies.
Furthermore
, in the information era, many knowledge and resources of
sports
 are posted on the Internet, on which everyone can study.
Additionally
, the lower barriers of
sports
 can attract more
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 to join and shape the psychological impact of the Olympic spirit on society. In conclusion, my view is that national sporting success can be achieved by both specialized
facilities
 and
facilities
 which everyone can use in modern society.
Submitted by a1552094108 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response is relevant and addresses the question, but make sure to further expand upon your arguments. For instance, you could provide more specific real-world examples to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, the coherence between the paragraphs can be improved by using more transition words and phrases to create smoother connections.
task achievement
Some ideas could be more comprehensively explained. Adding more depth to your examples and explaining the implications more clearly would help readers better understand your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You've successfully addressed both perspectives in your essay, providing a balanced view on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You use a range of vocabulary accurately, and your essay is generally easy to read and understand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international success
  • specialized facilities
  • top athletes
  • sports facilities
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • excellence in sports
  • lack of access
  • general public
  • international sports events
  • unequal distribution
  • resources
  • inspire
  • motivate
  • aspiring athletes
  • neglecting
  • areas of development
  • contribute to
  • economy
  • excessive focus
What to do next:
Look at other essays: