The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given diagram illustrates the production cycle of
sugar
Use synonyms
out of
sugar
Use synonyms
cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the whole procedure constitutes seven steps from growing
sugar
Use synonyms
cane and harvesting it to drying the
sugar
Use synonyms
and cooling it
at the end
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the cultivation of
sugar
Use synonyms
cane is a lengthy and time-consuming procedure which takes up to 18 months, the minimum being 12 months. Afterwards, either human labour or mechanised tractors harvest the crops before it is transferred to be crushed in the third stage utilising a wheeled mechanical machine to produce juice out of the yields.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the juice goes through a purifying process passing through a limestone filter and
then
Linking Words
it turns into syrup during the evaporation stage inside a heated cylinder. After that,
sugar
Use synonyms
crystals become separated from syrup
while
Linking Words
spinning in a centrifuge.
Finally
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
is the outcome of all these sophisticated industrial processes,
then
Linking Words
the manufactured good is dried and cooled before being packaged and transported to the markets.
Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Manufacturing process
  • Harvesting
  • Transporting
  • Processing plant
  • Washing
  • Crushing
  • Boiling
  • Concentration
  • Purification
  • Crystallization
  • Cooling process
  • Packaging
  • Distribution
  • Sustainability
  • Efficiency
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