IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The health benefits tof physical excercise are well-known. Despite this, a lot of people do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to encourage them to excercise more often?

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The positive outcomes of physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 are widely known.
However
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,
people
Use synonyms
 still do not
exercise
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 often.
This
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 essay will explore why
people
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 are not engaged in sportive activities and what would be possible approaches to stimulate them to
exercise
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 more regularly.
To begin
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 with, despite several well-known beneficial health concerns that improve the
overall
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 health of a person through physical
exercise
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, individuals do not
exercise
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 often.
This
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 is generally because of the hard pressure of career life and responsibilities of family life that many
people
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 prioritize and
therefore
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 unfortunately challenges to finding
time
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 to
exercise
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.
For instance
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, I have to manage my university studies and
also
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 take care of my little brother which is a demanding responsibility , so taking into account these factors under similar circumstances, it will not be hard to imagine how difficult to find
time
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 to
exercise
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 regularly. To address
this
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 issue, providing the proper amount of
time
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 and facilities for employees or students to
exercise
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 during their free
time
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 in their working areas could be an effective way to encourage
people
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 to
exercise
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 often.
For example
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, constructing a fitness centre in a company may have incentivised employees to
exercise
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 more during their
time
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 off.
Moreover
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, their health condition will get better by exercising regularly because of the widely known benefits of sportive activities. In conclusion,
although
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 the benefits of physical
exercise
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 are known,
people
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 are not involved regularly in
such
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 activities because they cannot find
time
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due to
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 responsibilities in their family and career life. I suggest constructing more sports facilities that provide an opportunity for exercising , which could help individuals integrate physical activity into their daily routines.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, but try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your arguments. The example about managing university studies and taking care of your little brother is good but could be expanded further.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly. Using transitional phrases or words like "Additionally," "Furthermore," and "Moreover" can make your writing more fluid.
general writing skills
Pay attention to minor grammatical and syntactical errors. For instance, "several well-known beneficial health concerns" should be "several well-known health benefits."
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps to convey your ideas effectively.
task achievement
You have effectively identified the reasons why people do not exercise and suggested practical solutions, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cardiovascular health
  • mental health benefits
  • weight management
  • time constraints
  • family commitments
  • environmental factors
  • technological distractions
  • screen time
  • public health campaigns
  • workplace wellness programs
  • public infrastructure
  • accessible
  • motivation
  • personalized exercise plans
  • virtual communities
What to do next:
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