IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The internet provides us with information about life and cultures of different countries and some people say it is not necessary to visit these countries to learn about them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

#internet #information #life #cultures #countries #people #visit
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There is a widely held view regarding replacing the virtual visiting of various
places
 with travelling to those areas,
whereas
, I find myself among those with strong disagreement with
this
 approach. Travelling is essential for mental health and economic progress. One explanation for rejecting the mentioned mindset is the necessity of visiting other
places
 for mental health.
This
 means that in the present climate, the majority of community members
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 occupied intensely with their professional pursuits.
Thus
, they have more mental involvement leading them toward a high risk of various psychological ailments ranging from anxiety to depression.
Therefore
, going on journies can ameliorate their condition resulting in more productivity and efficiency at work when they are back at their career.
For instance
, those who work in healthcare centres need to be away from hospitals to regain their energy and spirit,
otherwise
, they may lose their motivation because of the all negative energies that exist in those
places
. I tend to stand in opposition to resorting to The internet
instead
 of physical travelling. Not only can a growing tourism industry has a determinant impact on host nations but
also
 it can pave the way for authorities of those areas to flourish their economy.
Hence
, they should invest in
this
 aim and encourage residents to travel.
On the other hand
, some may argue that because of high expenses and less free time online visiting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
places
 is an appropriate substitute for trips. It is contended that people can use the money that goes for travelling for other purposes. Take; video games, shopping, and food,
for example
 as these activities need less money and time.
However
, I tend to disapprove of them as if doing so the whole society may encounter stagnancy and less vibrancy. In conclusion, the more people care about travelling, the more productivity they have in their work,
accordingly
 the whole community can benefit from a motivated workforce.
Submitted by samirakasraee72 on

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay could benefit from a more explicit introduction that clearly states your stance on the topic and provides a brief overview of your main points.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. The current transitions could be improved for a better logical flow.
relevant specific examples
While you have some examples, more specific and varied examples could strengthen your argument further.
complete response
You have a clear stance on the issue and support your argument with relevant points and examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
You successfully cover multiple aspects of why physical travel is important, including mental health and economic benefits.
logical structure
Your essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs addressing different points of view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • authentic experiences
  • first-hand experiences
  • face-to-face conversations
  • cultural practices
  • bridging cultural gaps
  • personal growth
  • problem-solving skills
  • adaptability skills
  • online resources
  • real-world experiences
  • misrepresentation
  • biased
  • emotional connections
  • virtual exploration
What to do next:
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