IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #attention
Nowadays, it is argued that advertising does a great job of pushing
people
 to purchase things
while
 others are of the view of how common it has become, it no longer has an impact of persuading anyone to buy anything because
people
 ignore the
adverts
.
This
 essay will discuss the two views, and, in my opinion, I think that it may not have as much impact as it should, but some
people
 are still persuaded by it. On the one hand, advertising still persuades some
people
 to purchase things. There are many types of advertising styles that are used to attract
people
 to buy. These are the internet, newspapers and magazines,
radios
Fix the agreement mistake
radio
show examples
 and television, shows etc. It all depends on how advertising is done, and the brands used.
For example
, a compassionate businessman was never into buying chocolates, but the motive of one sweet company doing their advertises
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 chocolate, caught his attention. All the money collected for the event was given to charity, and
this
 businessman's heart and
thereafter
, he began to buy chocolates always for his family.
On the other hand
, advertising has been made to be common and, in the end, less or no attention is paid towards it.
This
 is mainly because everyone is advertising anything and everything on all platforms.
Further
, the same
adverts
 appear too much and because of that, they end up boring.
Furthermore
, some
adverts
 just pop up anytime in
people
's laptops and
this
 can
also
 be irritating to other
people
.
In addition
,
people
 end up not paying any attention to them.
Thus
. it should be noted that too much of anything is not good and
people
 term it, ‘common' and ignore same. In conclusion, when
people
 advertise, individuals are led to purchase items
conversely
 advertisements are perceived as common and are no longer considered. In my opinion, I believe some
adverts
 push individuals to buy
while
 others are too much advertised and
hence
, they are ignored because of too much advertising.
Submitted by pncubeterera on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides an opinion, which is good for Task Response. However, more specific examples and clearer development of ideas would strengthen the task completion.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported with relevant examples or explanations. This will make your ideas clearer and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your essay generally holds together well, but work on improving the flow between paragraphs and ideas to enhance Coherence and Cohesion. Connecting phrases and better transitions can help to achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and unnecessary repetition. Ensuring that your essay is concise and to the point will make it more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured essay.
task achievement
You covered both perspectives of the argument and gave a balanced view, which is important for answering the essay question completely.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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