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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

All over the world scientists are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

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Obesity
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 is becoming more common in
this
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 world more than anything else that affects both adults and children.There are various reasons for
this
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 which we will look at in
this
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 essay.We will
also
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 discuss the solutions to
obesity
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. The major reason for
obesity
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 is that people eat fast
food
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 more than home-cooked
food
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.
That is
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 inorganic.
Furthermore
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, People depend upon restaurants more than their homes as it is easier to eat something from a hotel than home because it does not require any work or skill.
For instance
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,
According to
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 a survey,67% of adults who are the victims of
obesity
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 eat
food
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 from hotels rather than their houses.
Also
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 In China
obesity
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 is very common the main reason is that most of the time Chinese children prefer eating meals from hotels so, when they grow up they become fat very quickly.
However
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,
There
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there
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 are always solutions available for the problems. We can solve the problem of
obesity
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 with
exercise
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.By doing
exercise
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 we can stay slim
as well as
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 healthy.
Furthermore
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,We can follow a healthy diet plan and eat organic meals cooked in low fat at home.
For example
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,Abdullah is a healthy boy.He was so fat a year before but he started following a healthy diet and started eating
food
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 from his home.He
also
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 started doing
exercise
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 daily for 15 to 20 minutes.He loses 15Kgs in 4 months and now he is completely healthy and slim.So, we can say that we can easily tackle
obesity
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 with small efforts like
exercise
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, proper diet and healthy
food
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. In conclusion,We can say that
obesity
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 is a bad curse caused by junk
food
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 and eating inorganic
food
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 but there are ways by which it can be tackled
such
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 as dieting, exercising, and eating home-cooked meals.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clearer logical structure by using more transitions and connecting words to smoothly link paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Develop and expand on some points to ensure a more detailed and comprehensive discussion, especially in the solutions section.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and data to strengthen your arguments and provide concrete evidence for your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You offer practical solutions to the problem of obesity, demonstrating an understanding of the issue.
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