IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that children should learn financial management and budgeting at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Financial management has developed
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the years ,currently it
a
Verb problem
is a
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major branch of general science that people should at least be
fimiliar
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familiar
 with its initial elements
,
Correct word order
. Thus,
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Thus
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this
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 subject has been a debate in the
last
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 few decades . Many
indivisuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 strongly believe that
teenages
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teenagers
 should start learning financial
sources
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resource
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 allocation from early school stages
,on
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. On the
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 other
hand
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hand,
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 numerous
amount of
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apply
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opinions robustly recommend not
burden
Wrong verb form
burdening
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 juveniles with things that can
deviate
Verb problem
divert
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 their
thouts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
 out of
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 circle and
thier pastimies
Correct your spelling
their pastimes
.From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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i realy
Correct your spelling
I really
 argue the importance of budgeting from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 age as it is a crucial
skill
Use synonyms
the
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, the
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 same as other
abilties
Correct your spelling
abilities
.
Firstly
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 acadimic success and talent arenot suffient capibilties to achieve a balanced life
,
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;
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 budgeting is the driving power that
push
Correct subject-verb agreement
pushes
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 the wheel . If we assume that a very talented indivisual works as a lecturer with a huge ambition to innovate
however
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, he doesnot have the
skill
Use synonyms
 to allocate his expenditure in the right path
due to
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   sense of entitelment that has grown since his childhood ,he will be ended in stagnation stage that need a massive amount of money to break
this
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 point ,
for instance
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 a study conducted in iraq on students joined private schools and those who joined puplic ones , the study revealed that those who were focused on shaping their
skill
Use synonyms
 and knowledge took long time to promote their selfs in some points of their lifes
while
Linking Words
, others scarcity pushed them to develop so fast .
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 the more you can comprehend who to utilise your resources
the
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, the
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more youl will progress faster
Correct word order
faster you will progress
show examples
. 
Secondly
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,
Dispite
Correct your spelling
despite
 the importance of budgeting in
regards of
Change preposition
regard to
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 other fields ,many pupils
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 have the same inclinations ,
hence
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 a large number of
studnts
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students
 in our modern society are interested in trading , digital marketing and economy , not only
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 they consider it a hobby
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 they
also
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 deal with it as their source of
sustenace
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sustenance
.
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for
Fix capitalization
For
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 example , if we had added financial
managements
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management
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 to school curiculoums we would have discovered many people with strong vision in
this
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 field
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. As
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as a
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result
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result,
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 a blend of
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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 that have
the
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apply
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ample time to learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
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basic management
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skill
Check wording
skills
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 and to be creative
in
Change preposition
at
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 the same time .  In conclusion ,
sources
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source
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 management is sciensce not only
Use synonyms
skill
Correct article usage
a skill
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 ,so
ministry
Correct article usage
the Ministry
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 of
education
Fix capitalization
Education
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 should consider it as a
amajor
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major
 topic
more over
Punctuation problem
. Moreover,
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 it is a
subtantial
Correct your spelling
substantial
skill
Use synonyms
 that
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
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 with us chronicaly 
as a result
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learning
Punctuation problem
, learning
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 it from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 stage
it
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apply
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is the best approach
toward
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for
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 new generations .

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly that you agree, and keep this view clear in all parts.
task response
Explain your main ideas in a simpler way. Some points are hard to follow because the meaning is not always clear.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more directly linked to school budgeting lessons.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each body part, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Some links are there, but some parts still feel too long and not easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and paragraph flow. A few ideas jump too fast from one point to another.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and again in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic 4-part shape: introduction, 2 body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with reasons and an example.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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