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Band 5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to work in a team, while others believe that it is better to work independently. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #team
Nowadays, people emphasize
on
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apply
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expending
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expanding
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 their
career
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careers
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 and job success is a
principle
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principal
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 factor in humans’ lives. Some believe that working as a team is much
functional
Correct quantifier usage
more functional
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 rather than working
individual
Change the word
individually
show examples
; others have the exact opposite opinion. I agree with the first group and both viewpoints will be discussed in the following paragraphs. A group of people claim that solo activities are beneficial for running a successful business and climbing the career ladder. They may have their own reasons;
for instance
, financial profits of projects will not be shared among
number
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a number
the number
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 of members,
others
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others'
other's
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opinion
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opinions
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 which are not useful will not
necessary
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necessarily
show examples
 be considered, and probable disagreements which are destructive for jobs will not happen. In
this
 perspective, employees have a chance to focus on their projects and clients rather than
meetings
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meeting
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 and arguing with their coworkers
that is
 not
bear
Verb problem
have
show examples
 positive impacts. Other
group
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groups
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 and I,
in contrast
, opine that cooperation will
affects
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affect
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 careers take off in a useful way
due to
 some reasons.
For example
,
responsivities
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responsibilities
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 will be divided and each aspect of
Correct article usage
the projects
show examples
projects
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project
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 will be done perfectly by its own expert.
Additionally
, in a method which is called Brainstorming, diverse attitudes will be considered and
at
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in
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 the
end
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end,
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 valuable and logical decisions will be made.
On the other hand
, spending time and days in
stimulating
Correct article usage
a stimulating
show examples
 work environment with energetic human resources who support each other in different circumstances will motivate people to work harder; indeed,
this
 action will benefit business success. In brief, there are two
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
: from one point of view, teamwork is beneficial for careers; from another, working
individual
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individuals
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more functional. I fiercely agree with the first opinion and I believe,
working
Correct word choice
that working
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 as a team not only is helpful for businesses
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 fires employees’ enthusiasm.
Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for a high task response score. However, try to provide more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, mention specific projects or scenarios where teamwork or individual work provided clear benefits.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is mostly coherent, there are some areas where the flow could be improved. Linking words and phrases can help to better connect your ideas. For example, instead of 'others opinion which are not useful will not necessary be considered,' you could say, 'Additionally, opinions that are not useful will not need to be considered.'
task achievement
Ensure you thoroughly explain each point to enhance clarity and comprehension. Some of your ideas are clear but could be elaborated more to help the reader fully understand your argument. For example, the point about 'responsivities will be divided' can be expanded to explain how this division specifically benefits project outcomes.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the debate well, making your essay easy to follow from the start.
introduction conclusion present
You effectively introduce and conclude your essay with clear statements, ensuring the reader knows your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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