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Writing Samples
Band 7

The two pie charts show how different industries used electricity in 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The two pie charts show how different industries used electricity in 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The two pie charts depict information about the
usage
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 across five different
industries
Use synonyms
, measured in percentages, over a 10-year period from 1995 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were trends where
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
industry
Use synonyms
 marked the highest rates of
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 for over a decade,
while
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period, the fishery
industry
Use synonyms
 saw a decline and appeared as the lowest
industry
Use synonyms
 for
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the data in 1995, the manufacturing
industry
Use synonyms
 became the first
industry
Use synonyms
 with the largest
usage
Use synonyms
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
 at 33%, surpassed the food factory and fishery
industries
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 at 24% and 20% respectively. During the
10 years
Correct your spelling
10-year
 stages, the
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 in manufacturing
decreasedby
Correct your spelling
decreased by
 4%,
likewise
Linking Words
 the
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 in the food and fishery
industries
Use synonyms
 fell in order to 3% and 7%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 in households and services rose significantly. During the first term, households
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 using
electricity
Use synonyms
 by 15%, than that of service 8%. A tenth of a century later, the number of
electricity
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usage
Use synonyms
 by the service
industry
Use synonyms
 climbed to 15%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but was outraced by households at 20%. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there was a dip
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 in the manufacturing
industry
Use synonyms
, the proportion was still witnessed as the greatest
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
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 among the other five
industries
Use synonyms
 and reached above 30% over a period of 10 years.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, electricity, industries, industry with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • industries
  • electricity usage
  • 1995
  • 2005
  • comparison
  • increase
  • decrease
  • service sector
  • manufacturing sector
  • residential sector
  • agricultural sector
  • main features
  • summarize
  • reporting
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