Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

It is true that most criminals continue doing illegal activities after being in jail for a long time period . There are various reasons behind
this
phenomenon and some steps can be taken by the local authorities to solve
this
issue . There are many causes why sinners don't stop committing crimes . The first and foremost reason is that some offenders usually don't have any other skill which they can use to work hard for their families so they decide to be in the same profession after some time in jail .
Moreover
, the main reason is Poverty , nowadays everything is getting expensive and survival is not possible without money and there are no job opportunities for the lawbreakers .
As a result
, they involve themselves in offences for the rest of their lives . The government can take some actions to solve
this
issue .
Firstly
they could provide some free education in the jail for sinners so they can learn something and use that thing in the future to get success.
Furthermore
, national leaders must provide some jobs to them so they can easily earn money to make their families happy .
This
will be definitely helpful in stopping
this
in future . In conclusion ,
Although
there are many reasons which make criminals do
this
kind of thing, the government can stop
this
by providing job opportunities to the violators
Submitted by jass.sekhon4693 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You should work on providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention types of education or skills that could be beneficial for offenders.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your ideas a bit more to make them clearer and more comprehensive. This will improve the depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure can be improved by ensuring smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will make the essay flow better.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of ideas and ensure to vary your vocabulary to make the essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt quite well, discussing both reasons and solutions for the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • reintegration
  • rehabilitation programs
  • economic hardship
  • employment opportunities
  • social stigma
  • discrimination
  • psychological issues
  • mental health problems
  • substance abuse
  • negative peer influence
  • incarceration
  • offenders
  • ex-convicts
  • recidivist
  • penal system
  • preventative measures
  • re-offend
  • criminal justice system
  • reintegration strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: