.More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their appearance in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

It
is goes
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
without saying that every human
beings
Change to a singular noun
being
show examples
in the world
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
an enormous desire to be attractive, gorgeous and of course look young. Nowadays, we have a tendency among
individuals
in senior age, who spend a lot of money in order to
change
their
appearance
considerably. Let me examine both sides of
this
issue before making a concrete decision about
ramifications
Correct article usage
the ramifications
show examples
of
this
trend. First and foremost, we live in the 21st century and undoubtedly it provides us with a multitude of privileges in comparison with our ancestors. If citizens of urban and cosmopolitan places have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
thoughts and intentions to
change
their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
or
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
show examples
due to
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
dissatisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
it, they can easily visit plastic surgeons and they will
change
their
overall
look noticeably. As we know,
expenditures
Correct article usage
the expenditures
show examples
of
individuals
for visiting qualified and professional specialists cost a lot of money and they can even take out a loan. Obviously, there are a multitude of circumstances why exactly
individuals
disburse a considerable amount of cash. To cite an example, citizens cannot accept the fact of changing
appearance
with getting older. It leads to psychological problems like anxiety, depression and unending comparison with other
individuals
who look younger. As evidence,
according to
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
Society of
plastic surgeons
Correct your spelling
Plastic Surgeons
show examples
even if
individuals
look pretty they want to do injections of botox, blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, abdominoplasty and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
Last
, but not least there are a lot of predictable beneficial and negative consequences of spending money to
change
appearance
. Some people cannot stop doing surgery,
trying
Correct word choice
and trying
show examples
new procedures on them.
Subsequently
, their facial transformations lead to drastic and overwhelmingly unaltered changes with which they
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
their identity as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings and their self-perception will suffer.
However
, if inhabitants pay attention to their
appearance
, health,
tiny
Correct word choice
and tiny
show examples
changes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
it can be
magnificent
Add an article
a magnificent
show examples
way to avoid
feeling
Add an article
the feeling
a feeling
show examples
of old age.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
instance,
individuals
will visit fitness clubs, spa procedures
as well as
cosmetologists and they will look fresh and younger.
To sum up
, it is a double-edged sword and there are versatile reasons why citizens
give preference
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
to look young. From my own perspective, I suppose to
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
that drawbacks of
this
issue tip the scales and I wholeheartedly believe that
this
trend should be changed.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring the logical connection between ideas to improve the flow of your essay. Create clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and information. Each paragraph should introduce new insights or examples that build upon the previous one.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing reasons people want to look younger and the positivity or negativity of the trend.
task achievement
A variety of vocabulary is used effectively, showcasing a strong command of the language.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a clear framework for the essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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