IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

.More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their appearance in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #amounts #money #appearance #development
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It
is goes
Change the verb form
goes
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 without saying that every human
beings
Change to a singular noun
being
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 in the world
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 an enormous desire to be attractive, gorgeous and of course look young. Nowadays, we have a tendency among
individuals
Use synonyms
 in senior age, who spend a lot of money in order to
change
Use synonyms
 their
appearance
Use synonyms
 considerably. Let me examine both sides of
this
Linking Words
 issue before making a concrete decision about
ramifications
Correct article usage
the ramifications
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 of
this
Linking Words
 trend. First and foremost, we live in the 21st century and undoubtedly it provides us with a multitude of privileges in comparison with our ancestors. If citizens of urban and cosmopolitan places have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
thoughts and intentions to
change
Use synonyms
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 or
face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
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due to
Linking Words
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 dissatisfaction
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it, they can easily visit plastic surgeons and they will
change
Use synonyms
 their
overall
Linking Words
 look noticeably. As we know,
expenditures
Correct article usage
the expenditures
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 of
individuals
Use synonyms
 for visiting qualified and professional specialists cost a lot of money and they can even take out a loan. Obviously, there are a multitude of circumstances why exactly
individuals
Use synonyms
 disburse a considerable amount of cash. To cite an example, citizens cannot accept the fact of changing
appearance
Use synonyms
 with getting older. It leads to psychological problems like anxiety, depression and unending comparison with other
individuals
Use synonyms
 who look younger. As evidence,
according to
Linking Words
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
 Society of
plastic surgeons
Correct your spelling
Plastic Surgeons
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 even if
individuals
Use synonyms
 look pretty they want to do injections of botox, blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, abdominoplasty and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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.
Last
Linking Words
, but not least there are a lot of predictable beneficial and negative consequences of spending money to
change
Use synonyms
appearance
Use synonyms
. Some people cannot stop doing surgery,
trying
Correct word choice
and trying
show examples
 new procedures on them.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, their facial transformations lead to drastic and overwhelmingly unaltered changes with which they
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their identity as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings and their self-perception will suffer.
However
Linking Words
, if inhabitants pay attention to their
appearance
Use synonyms
, health,
tiny
Correct word choice
and tiny
show examples
 changes
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 it can be
magnificent
Add an article
a magnificent
show examples
 way to avoid
feeling
Add an article
the feeling
a feeling
show examples
 of old age.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance,
individuals
Use synonyms
 will visit fitness clubs, spa procedures
as well as
Linking Words
 cosmetologists and they will look fresh and younger.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is a double-edged sword and there are versatile reasons why citizens
give preference
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to look young. From my own perspective, I suppose to
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 issue tip the scales and I wholeheartedly believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend should be changed.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring the logical connection between ideas to improve the flow of your essay. Create clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrases and information. Each paragraph should introduce new insights or examples that build upon the previous one.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing reasons people want to look younger and the positivity or negativity of the trend.
task achievement
A variety of vocabulary is used effectively, showcasing a strong command of the language.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and provide a clear framework for the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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