IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums and art galleries are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
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 believe that nowadays, almost everything can be accessed online including history and culture.
However
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,
this
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 statement leads to the opinion that there is a possibility that
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 will no longer exist in the future. I fully disagree with
this
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 viewpoint because there is still limited
access
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 to the
internet
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, and it
also
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 can decrease incomes for local governments or artists.
To begin
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 with,
access
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 to the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 remains unevenly distributed, particularly in rural areas. Many communities still struggle with unreliable or non-existent
internet
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 connections, so it is difficult for them to
access
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 online resources.
Additionally
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, some
people
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, especially the elderly or those in low-income
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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, may lack the necessary digital literacy to effectively navigate the information
that is
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 available online. The absence of physical
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 would reduce accessibility for those
people
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, leaving them without a valuable resource for learning about history and culture. Another reason why
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 are still essential is that they serve as a source of income for local governments and artists. A decline in the number of
museums
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 could lead to a drop in revenue. Many
museums
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 and exhibitions are popular tourist destinations for both local and international visitors.
For example
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, in Yogyakarta, there is an annual event called ARTJOG held at the Jogja National Museum which usually attracts
people
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 from various regions.
Moreover
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,
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 employ a variety of staff, including curators, guides, and maintenance workers. Fewer
museums
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 could lead to job losses, affecting local employment rates. In conclusion, the existence of
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 remains crucial, even in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 era where information is accessible online. These places provide vital resources for those with limited
internet
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access
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 and contribute to the economy. In fact, maintaining both online and physical spaces would be the ideal solution, as it would offer better accessibility and provide
people
Use synonyms
 with more options to explore culture and history in both digital and physical forms.

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general
Great job in presenting a clear stance on the topic and maintaining it throughout the essay. To achieve a higher score, consider using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your essay is well-organized, the flow could be further improved with more connective phrases.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported, but adding more specific examples and detailed explanations can enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that align with each other.
task achievement
Strong, consistent arguments with relevant points supporting your stance.
task achievement
Effective use of real-world examples to illustrate points, such as the ARTJOG event in Yogyakarta.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • hands-on experience
  • interactive exhibits
  • preservation
  • cultural and historical artifacts
  • safeguarded
  • community engagement
  • heritage
  • authenticity
  • curated exhibits
  • scholarly input
  • misinformation
  • economic impact
  • tourism
  • emotional and aesthetic responses
  • atmosphere
  • ambiance
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