IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums and art galleries are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#information #culture #history #museums #art #galleries
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Some
people
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 believe that nowadays, almost everything can be accessed online including history and culture.
However
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,
this
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 statement leads to the opinion that there is a possibility that
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 will no longer exist in the future. I fully disagree with
this
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 viewpoint because there is still limited
access
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 to the
internet
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, and it
also
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 can decrease incomes for local governments or artists.
To begin
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 with,
access
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 to the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 remains unevenly distributed, particularly in rural areas. Many communities still struggle with unreliable or non-existent
internet
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 connections, so it is difficult for them to
access
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 online resources.
Additionally
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, some
people
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, especially the elderly or those in low-income
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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, may lack the necessary digital literacy to effectively navigate the information
that is
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 available online. The absence of physical
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 would reduce accessibility for those
people
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, leaving them without a valuable resource for learning about history and culture. Another reason why
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 are still essential is that they serve as a source of income for local governments and artists. A decline in the number of
museums
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 could lead to a drop in revenue. Many
museums
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 and exhibitions are popular tourist destinations for both local and international visitors.
For example
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, in Yogyakarta, there is an annual event called ARTJOG held at the Jogja National Museum which usually attracts
people
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 from various regions.
Moreover
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,
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 employ a variety of staff, including curators, guides, and maintenance workers. Fewer
museums
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 could lead to job losses, affecting local employment rates. In conclusion, the existence of
museums
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 and
art
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galleries
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 remains crucial, even in
the
Correct article usage
an
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 era where information is accessible online. These places provide vital resources for those with limited
internet
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access
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 and contribute to the economy. In fact, maintaining both online and physical spaces would be the ideal solution, as it would offer better accessibility and provide
people
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 with more options to explore culture and history in both digital and physical forms.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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general
Great job in presenting a clear stance on the topic and maintaining it throughout the essay. To achieve a higher score, consider using a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your essay is well-organized, the flow could be further improved with more connective phrases.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported, but adding more specific examples and detailed explanations can enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that align with each other.
task achievement
Strong, consistent arguments with relevant points supporting your stance.
task achievement
Effective use of real-world examples to illustrate points, such as the ARTJOG event in Yogyakarta.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • hands-on experience
  • interactive exhibits
  • preservation
  • cultural and historical artifacts
  • safeguarded
  • community engagement
  • heritage
  • authenticity
  • curated exhibits
  • scholarly input
  • misinformation
  • economic impact
  • tourism
  • emotional and aesthetic responses
  • atmosphere
  • ambiance
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