IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think women should play an equal role in the police and military while others think women are less suitable for these roles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that
females
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in our society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
women
Use synonyms
 are efficient in taking responsibility in the
police
Use synonyms
 and military
sectors
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, there is
also
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 an argument that plenty of people think
females
Use synonyms
 are less suitable for these tasks.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, individuals are reckoning
women
Use synonyms
 must display an equal role in the
police
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 and war governments.
In other words
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, In
this
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 era, all genders have having same equivalent rights , especially in the military department
due to
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 learning how to support equality and fairness.
In addition
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,
females
Use synonyms
 are known for honesty and integrity ,so they have the right to play a vital role in these
sectors
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.
For example
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, there is an article about laws that says that" Most
women
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 have twenty times more loyalty and courage than men in
police
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 and military
sectors
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".
On the other hand
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, plenty of people have an idea about
females
Use synonyms
 that they do not belong in the military and
police
Use synonyms
 fields. It is
also
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 possible to say that
women
Use synonyms
 are more fitting and convenient in makeup and fashion areas than these
sectors
Use synonyms
due to
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 not all
women
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 can handle it.
Moreover
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, they do not have strong muscles
as well as
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 they have soft and mercy,
therefore
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 perhaps the criminals exploit them for their own gain. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that
women
Use synonyms
 are not suitable for these roles because it is not compatible with their nature as
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly express your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps to guide the reader and clarify where you stand on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that connects back to your thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied vocabulary and grammar structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing. This will contribute to a higher score in lexical resource and grammatical range.
task achievement
The essay covers both sides of the argument, which is important in a discuss both views prompt. This shows an understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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