Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
It is true that there has been increasingly more in the rate of their actions and realise forward consequences which destroy
commiting
crimes after imprisonment. Correct your spelling
committing
Although
there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this
solution, steps can be taken to mitigate these potential problem
.
Some difficulties in reintegration Change the determiner
this potential problem
these potential problems
to
Change preposition
into
community
after Add an article
the community
prison
period, Correct article usage
the prison
environment
in jails, Add an article
the environment
an environment
several
related problems can be anticipated. First of all, conditions are inadequate for saving Correct word choice
and several
psicologycal
health in a number of prisons across the world. Gloomy Correct your spelling
psychological
atmospher
, Correct your spelling
atmosphere
insufficient
Correct word choice
and insufficient
foods
are impacted negatively Fix the agreement mistake
food
on
the bodily healthChange preposition
apply
,
Remove the comma
apply
while
being among other convitcs
Correct your spelling
convicts
give
the way Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
that
to become Correct word choice
apply
more
professional Correct article usage
a more
lowbreaker
. After Correct your spelling
lawbreaker
imprisonment
more criminals usually lose their Add a comma
imprisonment,
oppotunities
to live as representative citizens by Correct your spelling
opportunities
doing
Correct your spelling
going
go
straight. One of the Verb problem
apply
reason
is that Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
ex-imnates
can not find Correct your spelling
ex-inmates
proper
Add an article
a proper
job
in Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Correct article usage
the competetive
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
louber
market. Correct your spelling
labour
Therefore
, they commit crime
again in most cases.
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
However
, there are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems describe
Wrong verb form
described
avobe
. Prisons should play Correct your spelling
above
role
not only the way of panismentAdd an article
a role
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
should be as rehabilitation center
for Fix the agreement mistake
centers
crimals
Correct your spelling
criminals
that
they can Correct word choice
so that
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
Change preposition
about
them
Change the pronoun
their
life
and others'. They Fix the agreement mistake
lives
shoul
be provided Correct your spelling
should
phsicological
support, if necessary, they should gain some skills and education for earning money in their Correct your spelling
psychological
physiological
further
Correct word choice
future
life
, or they should be able to continue the
former job in prison,Change the word
their
because of
, to avoid feeling excluded from Change preposition
apply
life
. These measures are vital ecspecially
, for Correct your spelling
especially
juvanile
delinquents Correct your spelling
juvenile
juveniles
which
do not commit Correct pronoun usage
who
crime
intentionally or easily led astray.
others'.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
verious
measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are Correct your spelling
various
certin
to arise after serving the Correct your spelling
certain
panishment
in the Correct your spelling
punishment
life
of ex-perpretrators
.Correct your spelling
ex-perpetrators
Submitted by i.nureddinn on
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task achievement
Ensure more specific examples are provided to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and provide better clarity for the reader.
task achievement
Work towards integrating and expanding your ideas more thoroughly. Currently, your arguments are present, but they would benefit from further development and detail.
coherence cohesion
There are some awkward sentence structures and inappropriate word choices that affect the overall readability. Try to proofread your work carefully or have someone else review it for grammatical errors.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and logical progression of thoughts. Transition words and phrases can be used more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the prompt, discussing the reasons why offenders commit more crimes after serving punishment and suggesting measures to tackle this problem.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.