IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be restricted on media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
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 think detailed descriptions of crimes in
newspapers
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 and TV can affect society badly, and they have to be restricted.
While
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 others want to see a detailed description of crimes, no matter what,
this
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 essay will discuss why
this
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 is the case and the reasons why I agree with
this
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 statement. First of all, I believe that
newspapers
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 and television have a huge effect on
people
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. Senseful
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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 on
this
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 platform
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 able to affect everyone, from newborns to old
people
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. It is not obvious, but our brains start to act differently after receiving
this
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 type of content. Even if there is an age limit, not everyone sticks to it. There are lots of
kids
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 and grandparents watching them, no matter if they are with their family or alone.
For example
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, most families with
kids
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 don't switch the channel when some over-18 crime video pops out
while
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 watching
news
Add an article
the news
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 because they want to know. The only thing they can do is stop watching
news
Add an article
the news
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 with
kids
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, and
that is
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 not a practical solution. That's why television has to stop showing
this
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 kind of news.
Secondly
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,
newspapers
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 are
also
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 very important.
In other words
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, most of the old
people
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 buy
newspapers
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, and like
kids
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, they are
also
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 sensible.
For instance
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, I know an old woman who became paranoid after watching videos of war in other countries. Even though it is not an important thing for her or her country, she couldn't stop empathizing.
Thus
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, it might affect everyone; not only old
people
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 but
also
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kids
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 can buy
newspapers
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.
To conclude
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, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement. A detailed description of crimes shouldn't be
on
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in
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 both the newspaper and TV; they affect society in a bad way by giving them extra information.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider making smoother transitions between paragraphs and ensuring the essay flows logically from one idea to the next.
task achievement
While your task response is strong, ensuring that your examples are highly relevant and specific can make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
To further enhance your writing, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary.
task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt and maintains focus on the topic throughout.
task achievement
The introduction accurately sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your stance.
coherence cohesion
The main points presented are relevant and logical, contributing to the overall coherence.
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