IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010.

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010.
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The line
graph
Use synonyms
 illustrates the information about the yearly income of three bakeries in Calgary (Amandine Bakery, Mari Bakeshop and Bolo Cakery),
since
Change preposition
from
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 2000-
2010
Change preposition
to 2010
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, by presenting in
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, Bolo Cakery has increased
trend
Use synonyms
, rising to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 higher
rank
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
 Mari Bakeshop has decreased
trend
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, felling to the lowest
rank
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. It is clearly noticeable that Amandine Bakery has remained stable
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 before significantly
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 to the peak of the
graph
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. Focus on
blue
Add an article
the blue
show examples
 line, Mari
Bakershop
Correct your spelling
Bakeshop
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 the greatest amount of income in 2000 at around 80000
dollars
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,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to others. After that, the
trend
Use synonyms
 of
blue
Correct article usage
the blue
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graph
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fluctuated and dramatically decreased to the smallest rate (40000
dollars
Use synonyms
)
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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, the income of Amandine
Bekery
Correct your spelling
Bakery
 and Bolo Cakery has
similar
Add an article
a similar
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 rising
trend
Use synonyms
. In
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
show examples
,
yellow
Add an article
the yellow
a yellow
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 line started at the lowest point (2000
dollars
Use synonyms
) before gradually
went
Wrong verb form
going
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 up to the second
rank
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there was a stable
trend
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 in the green
graph
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.
Then
Linking Words
, it significantly climbed to the top
rank
Use synonyms
 in
2010s
Change the article
the 2010s
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, dollars, trend, rank with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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