IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

the government should increase the price of fuel to sold the envirnment. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #price #fuel #envirnment
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In
this
 day and age, in order to protect the natural environment, more inhabitants suggest raising the
price
 of gasoline for traffic vehicles. Notwithstanding, I disagree with the aforementioned ideas because of social and economic issues potentially in national
countries
. My essay will give more beneficial solutions and valid points clearly. On the one hand, climate change appears frequently in the world
such
 as acid rain and global warming of the North Pole and Antarctica leading to dangerous factors for the environment in general. More residents have the notion that increasing the financial value of
fuel
 in order to reduce the usage of vehicles in traffic activity
as well as
 the exhaust of Carbon footprint.
However
, that aforementioned ideal is temporary and
also
 creates detrimental effects for society. The first reason is economic problems because if the
price
 of crucial products like oil increases surprisingly, the system of traffic delivery cargo is delayed and leads to issues of unemployment and the lack of groceries in daily life.
In addition
, the value of the GDP of the national country is affected and causes significant changes in the top economic ranks in the world. In terms of social reason, the opposite group will disagree and own the capacity to cause civil conflict between the inhabitants, and authorities in other
countries
. In the development of industrial cities without the normal
price
 of gasoline, more master criminals utilize the opportunity for illegal demand
such
 as smuggling oil for travellers and
fuel
 stores with suitable costs. During the wars in the Middle East, the
price
 of
fuel
 always increases and devises more difficult challenges for various
countries
such
 as the US, UK and Germany.
That is
 reliable evidence which struggles with the idea of raising
fuel
 costs. I suppose the government should encourage eco-friendly programmes in daily life by constructing tram areas for using public transport with clean energy and planting more flora in environmental parks. In conclusion,
instead
 of increasing the
price
 of gasoline, more inhabitants have to cooperate together by applying the Green policies for protecting the environment
as well as
 the sustainable
countries
.
Submitted by phamnhung275 on

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task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively and presented a clear stance on the topic. However, you need to develop your arguments more fully and provide more detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical structure with an introduction and a conclusion, which are well-articulated. However, ensure each paragraph flows more smoothly by using better transition words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will help improve the overall coherence of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have successfully introduced the topic and provided a clear opinion in the introduction. Your conclusion also effectively summarizes your main points.
logical structure
You have made a good attempt to organize your essay with distinct paragraphs for different arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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